The Gateway - A Simpsons sci-fi fanscript...by Matthew Stanway. 1 Half Life? The view pans over Springfield much like in the TV show. The point of view comes to rest near the edge of town and the caption reads "Evergreen Terrace, Springfield USA the year 2000". In brackets bellow this is "On the day of the accident". INT - SIMPSONS KICHEN - DAY Homer: Marge! I lost my keys again! Marge: Oh for crying out loud Homer! I told you they are in the draw upstairs where you always leave them. Homer: Oh right. Homer heads towards the stairs. Lisa: Look in the TV room they might be there. Homer: Yeah. He goes and checks the TV room. Homer: Wooo hoo I found them... Homer: Well Marge I'm off to Moe's. Marge: I thought you had work at the plant today. Homer: Well Homer J is only coming in at lunchtime co's I got a top secrete reactor test to supervise, wooo hooo. Marge: I don't think you where supposed to tell me that Homey. Homer: HEHHEH D'oh! At this point Bart and Lisa are making faces at each other in the kitchen. Marge: Bart! Lisa! Will you two stop it, the bus will be here any minute! Bart: Oh I just have to get a little something from my room........ Lisa: Oh great! Another one of Bart's amazing stink bomb attacks is set in motion. Bart: Shhhhhhhh Your right Lis' but don't tell Skinner or Mom and Dad. Lisa: Whatever... Lisa: I'd better go get my stuff... Bart and Lisa leave but Lisa stops and talks to Homer. Lisa: Hey dad I thought you had to go to work! Homer: It's ok I got a top secret afternoon reactor test today...d'oh. Lisa: What?! Homer: I'm not supposed to tell anyone. Lisa: Ah I see...I'll get my things and go then. Lisa goes to get her stuff. Marge: You know Homer last time you had something like this you nearly caused a meltdown, are you sure it's safe? Homer: No...I mean yes of course it's safe. Bart and Lisa charge by and out of the door. CUT TO: SIMPSONS LIVING ROOM LATER. Homer is lounging on the couch but suddenly looks at his watch as Marge enters the room. Homer: Well I'm off to the plant. Marge: Good luck and try not to cause any meltdowns. Homer: Marge! I'm a highly trained safety inspector Homer trips over his own shoes. Homer: D'OH! Marge: Mmmmrrrr.. CUT TO: HOMERS WORK ROOM AT THE POWER PLANT. Lenny and Carl enter as Homer is looking for something under his desk. He gets up as he notices them. Homer: Hey Lenny where's this new reactor thingy? Lenny: Homer, you're supposed to know it's your safety project! Carl: Homer you really are stupid sometimes. Homer: Just cut me some slack guys I mean what could go wrong? Lenny: Lots of things, that's why they need you there. Homer: Oh sure this thingy is going to malfunction and open a gateway to another dimension and load of strange space aliens will come out and get us! Lenny and Carl at same time: I...er...we er gotta go. CUT TO: THE REACTOR ROOM AT SNNP. Homer enters and stares at a large machine in the centre of the room. Homer: WOW! What a reactor! Burns: Yes magnificent I think you'll agree. Homer: ARGGGGG I mean hello sir... Burns: Ah it's..er..um.. Smithers: Homer Simpson sir, one of your "chairwarmers" from sector 7G. Burns: Hmm Homer Simpson eh? Homer: If you get my name wrong one more time I swear I'll... Burns: What kill me? Hahaha I don't think so. Burns glares at Homer for a second or two. Burns: Ok Homer now all you have to do is man the safety console for the X101 as Smithers conducts the trial fusion run. Any questions? Homer: Erm wheres the erm..ya know..safty whadayacallit? Burns: Oh for god sake! Its over there. He points to a computer console. Homer goes and sits down and starts pressing buttons on it. Burns: Ok Homer here we go then. Homer: Eh?! Homer suddenly realises what Burns is talking about. Homer: Oh right. Homer gets ready and Smithers presses some buttons and the X101 begins to start. Homer: Er sir Burns: Oh damn it! What is it now? Homer: Er..well..er.. Burns: Spit it out man! Homer: The er...primary plasma inhibitor is off-line...er destroyed! Burns: How the H... Smithers: Sir! We can't stop the reaction without the Plasma inhibitor! Burns: But! How! Destroyed! It makes no sense! Homer: It that bad? Smithers: Shut up! Burns: Shut up you tub of lard! Homer: I can't stop it there no way to... Burns and smithers: WE KNOW! Burns and Smithers get into the lift and it the doors close. Homer: Hey wait for me! D'oh! The room begins to shake and green plasma is spread across the room. Homer: I'm going to DIE! Damn, I swore I'd outlive dad just to spite him! A portal emerges and expands to fill the whole room and the control room. Homer: Oh this is bad. Homer: Hey! They elevators back! He runs to the elevator and gets in but through the portal a strange alien world can be seen. A vague demonic shape can be seen moving around near the portal but it changes colour and then the scenic is countryside much like earth only different. CUT TO: MR BURNS OFFICE AT SNPP. Homer is standing in front of Burns desk looking scared. Burns: Well do you have anything to say for yourself? Homer: No sir. Homer: Er..Mr Burns am I fired? Burns: God no Homer, I found out who sabotaged the machine it was Frank Grimes! Homer: But he's dead. Burns: I know. It seems he was the one who designed the X101, unfortunately there is a critical fault in the design and the machine is highly unstable. Burns shakes his head. Burns: If only we'd bothered to check the blueprints before we had that reactor built...looks like Mr Grimes had the last laugh after all. Right anyway our first objective now is to find the portal. Homer: But it's in the room... Burns: It moved out in to the gorge at the top. Homer: Why? Burns: Well how the Hell should I know? Homer: Sir, what do we do now? Burns: Well I don't know about you but I am going home... Homer: But sir what about the portal? Burns: What about it? It's nearly 7:30 for peats sake and my best scientists are hard at work analysing it. Homer: May I go now? Burns: Hell yes. The smell of your pits is starting to make me...oh forget it just go, go now. Homer: Yes sir! Burns: Oh and...Homer I expect you in early tomorrow for the a discussion about the gateway. Homer: Ok. Burns: And I want you and your co workers in at 7 o clock not out of bed at 7 o clock do I make myself clear? Homer: Er do I have to tell them then? Burns: Yes that will do nicely. Homer: D'oh! Burns puts his fingers together. Burns: Excellent. CUT TO: INT - SIMPSONS HOUSE - NIGHT Marge: Homer where have you been? Homer: Marge I have no time to explain. I'll be In the tub. Marge frowns at him. Marge: Wait a minute I think when you get back at 8 o'clock at night on a weekday I deserve some explanation! Homer: I was at work not Moe's if that's what you mean. Marge: Another near meltdown?! That's the third one this year. Homer: Hell no, in fact we accidentally opened up a portal too...somewere Marge: Well I'm no Stephen Hawking but that can't be good. Homer: Yeah but whatcha gonna do? Bart and Lisa rush into the room at hearing the portal bit of the conversation. Bart: Cool! Did any space aliens come through it? Lisa: Dad you did tell the USNRC what happened didn't you? Homer: [to Bart] Nope. Homer: [to Lisa] No and we can't because Mr Burns wants a nice little conspiracy honey. Lisa points out of window to highly visible portal near the gorge. Lisa: A cover up?! How could people hide it - it's nearly 2 km across and it's outside! Bart: Yeah we got off school early because Skinner though it was the end of the world. Homer: D'OH! Marge: Oh dear... Homer: Don't worry Marge I'm sure my evil and tyrannical boss has everything under control. Lisa: That's what I'm worried about! Bart: Oh Lisa, you worry too much what can possibly go wrong?! Lisa: In a first contact situation! War! Viruses that we or they have no defence against! Violence! Panic! Social disorder! Riots! Bart: Ah, I see what you mean. Homer: So Marge if you'll excuse me I'm going to the tub. Homer goes upstairs... Marge: Er...Ok Homey. About 45 minutes later at the Simpsons house in the TV room. Homer: Ah that's better after a day of back breaking dimensional mess ups. Marge: I need to talk to you Homer. Homer: But Marge big gorilla night is just about to start! Marge: Can you be sure we will be safe with this portal thing around? Homer: Relax we'll deal with it, I caused far worse accidents than this one... Marge: Well we'd better be safe, I want you to answer me truthfully are we safe? Homer: I keep telling you I don't know yet, no one does. Marge: Hmm better put the kids to bed, Bart, Lisa it's past your bedtime. Bart and Lisa complain but go upstairs to bed and are followed by Homer and Marge seconds later. 2 Cometh the hour, cometh the feds. CUT TO: INT - SIMSONS HOUSE - NEXT MORNING Homer: Oh man I can't believe that I had to get up at 6 am and phone all the staff from the plant...well all the safety staff... Marge: Well it's not like this sort of thing happens every day. Homer: No but we had some near misses with the reactor. Marge: Mmmrrr.. Lisa and Bart come in to the room Homer: I see you decided to get up early just like your old man. Bart: No actually you woke us up looking for your shoes. Lisa: Yeah, can't you be silent while you find stuff? Homer: I gotta go anyway and no I'm just noisy. Marge: What are you going to do about the portal? Homer: What can we do? He said you can't get rid of it...I think. Marge: Oh dear... Homer: I gotta go now. Homer goes out of the door and we here him drive off to work. Marge: You'd better go what TV or something while I make breakfast. Lisa: Ok. Bart: Yup. The kids rush into the TV room. CUT TO: SNNP - BURNS OFFICE - DAY Burns: So gentleman you can see why it's imperative we make sure those feds know this is not something they can contain. Homer: Er sir can I come in? Burns: Yes sit down. Burns: Well Homer we have determined that this is a real wormhole and there is no way to shut it off. Homer: Is that bad? Burns: Not that bad but the real problem is my scientists think this thing will make the local environment much hotter about 20c hotter to be exact! Homer: But this whole area will be desert like um...mexico. Burns: The Army and the USNRC have both despatched teams to inspect the gateway and talk to us so I want to give them something that will convince them they can do nothing about it. Homer: Er sir can they do anything about it? Burns: Well if they can it's news to me. Homer: What do you want me to do? Burns: Talk to the army people I will deal with the USNRC. Homer: Can I go now? Burns: Yes but I want the army warned off understand? Homer: Yes sir. Burns: Good, go then. Later at the power plant. Homer: Damn feds should be here bye now... Two men in uniforms approach Homer. Homer: Are you the army guys? Commander: Yes I'm Col Ford this is Lt Jarni, we're here to investigate this wormhole that you reported. Homer: Ok you'll have to follow me in your car, it's moved up to the gorge. Ford: Ok fine, but its a APC not a car and I need to report back to my boss today so we might as well get this over with. Jarni: So did you bring the scanner? Ford: Yes. Jarni: Good, I can find out if this is real then. The view changes to the Homers car being followed by a APC driving up to the portal. Homer: Well there it is... Ford: My god! It IS a wormhole! Jarni: Well we better get to work then. Ford: I'll get the scanner. They work on a handheld scanner for a few minutes... Ford: Well you've been most helpful sir, we'll phone you if we need any other assistance. Jarni: Yeah we gotta report to our bosses about this now anyway. Homer: Ok I'm otta here. Homer Drives off. Later at Mr Burns office. Burns: Well Homer you have failed. Homer: Er...I'm sorry. Burns: I couldn't be helped though the feds are sending more troops and scientists to investigate the portal, I am afraid to say we can't stop them now. Homer: Do we know what's on the other side yet? Burns: Of course not, to find out could take months. Especially if those army goons are involved. FADE OUT, FADE TO: SRPINGFEILD ELIMENTRY SCHOOL PLAYGROUND - DAY. Bart, Lisa and Milhouse are chatting away by the climbing frame. Bart is hanging upside down from the frame by his legs, suddenly he jumps down and taps Milhouse on the shoulder. Bart: Hey Milhouse why the hell is it so hot? Milhouse: I don't know, what do you think Lisa? Lisa: I think that portal thing is heating the atmosphere to a point where a temperate environment like this town and our forest becomes a sandpit. Bart and Milhouse stare blankly into space... Lisa: It's making the weather hotter! Bart: Oh. Milhouse: So it's summer all year now! Lisa: Yeah and 45c in the summer which is nearly fatal to humans, I hope we've got plenty of water... Bart: So let me get this straight this thingy is making the weather better? Lisa: Better! It's going to be like death valley if this keeps up, that's not better! Bart: D'oh! Milhouse: So what do we do? Lisa: Drink lots of water and stay out of the sun between 10 and 2 unless you want sunstroke that is... Bart: Typical, this miserable town gets good weather and we can't enjoy it. Bart: I'm not really hot though. Lisa: Me neither, are you Milhouse? Milhouse: Your joking I'm sweating like a pig... Milhouse: Why are you two squinting so much? Bart: The light it's really blinding man! Lisa: I can't look at it! Milhouse: What are you talking about it's not that light. The school bell rings... Bart: See you this afternoon Lisa. Lisa: If we don't all melt first. Milhouse: I'm off too I got math now. Bart: Correction we got math now and it sucks. Lisa rolls her eyes. Lisa: See you later Bart. They all leave for classes. CUT TO: INT - SIMPSONS HOUSE - DAY. Marge is standing looking at the TV with a worried expression on her face. Marge: Homer! Your back! I need to show you something. Homer: Huh? Marge: Look at the TV. Homer looks at the TV it shows TV with a very hot weather forecast in the middle of fall ect. Marge: The whole area is like that, I can't remember it being this hot at this time of year. Homer: So? Marge: So we'll be living In a desert thanks to your boss. Homer: Oh Marge, I can't do anything about Burns he's my boss. Bart: It's not that bad at least the weather is better... Lisa: But it will get too hot and we'll need a new source of water when the river dries up in summer...and it will. Bart: Well what can we do? Homer: Yeah I can't control the weather Honey. Lisa: I know, I know. Marge: What did the fed's say homer? Homer: Oh they just took some kooky reading and reported it to their boss. Marge: Oh good someone who knows what they are doing, not that you don't homey... Homer: Well I'm sorry I'm not a physicist... Lisa: Actually dad you are, you had to go back to collage remember? Homer: Oh yeah... Homer: I'm gonna get a bear maybe some chips... Homer goes into the kitchen. Marge: So how was school anyway? Bart: It blows man, I had math. Lisa: Fine except for being dazzled by the sun... Marge: Yeah I know its too light around here, anyway I don't want you kids bothering me I've got things to do. Bart and Lisa look supprised at Marges first remark but they are distracted by the sound of Ichy and Scrachy on TV. Lisa: Er ok. Bart: Fine. Lisa: Bart what's wrong with Mom? Bart: She's just busy cleaning up all the mess that me and Homer make. Lisa: Yeah I know, it's not me that makes all the mess. Bart: Yeah like I care! Otta my way nerdy! Bart walks of and jumps on the couch and Lisa jumps on the OTHER end of the couch. They exchange the occasional annoyed glance as they watch TV. CUT TO: SIMPSONS HOUSE LATER THAT AFTERNOON. Marge is watching the TV Homer is reading a comic and laughing every so often. Marge: Homer have you seen this? Homer: See what honey? Marge: The meteorologists think that this hot weather may be caused by the wormhole and it will stay that way. Homer: Oh I see Marge, and what do you want me to do about it? Marge: Jeezs I was only telling you. Homer: I'm gonna go finish that book I borrowed from Lenny. Marge: What's it about? You never usually read books. Homer: Yeah I know but this ones about slasher movies and how they got started and are all based on the same ideas. Marge: Well I can never see the point of those horror films anyway. There so violent and nasty.. Homer: Well I'm off to read it. CUT TO: SIMPSONS HOUSE A FEW DAYS LATER. Homer is watching the news on TV. Homer: Hey Marge! Looks like those army guys will be here for a while. The Col on TV: Well I can confirm the US 194 mechanised infantry brigade has been dispatched to this town for the foreseeable future, we are to guard the scientific study being carried out by the UNSNRC and NASA. We are all so here in case anything comes out of the wormhole...which it probably won't. Next question... Marge: Well I don't know if I like the idea of all those soldiers running round..someones going to get hurt. Homer: Oh Marge you worry to much. Bart: Whoa mama I gotta steal me one of those guns... Marge: Bart please don't do anything silly like interfere with the soldiers. Lisa: Yeah Bart, I'd hate to have to attend you funeral sooner than I expected. Bart: Hey! Bart: Mom I promise I'll never mess with those soldiers. Marge: Good. Homer: Now can we please change the channel? I wanna watch the game! Homer Changes the channel and Marge, Bart and Lisa go and do something in the other rooms ect. 3 CUT TO: THE SIMPSONS HOUSE A TWO WEEKS LATER. Homer is watching the news..again... Findings. Scientist on the TV: Yes and I can confirm the anomaly is giving off some kind of radiation that we just don't understand, it does not resemble alpha, beta or gamma radiation that you would find her on earth. The good news is we do not believe it is harmful at least not in the short term anyway. We do however know that this gateway is a genuine wormhole that originates many light years from earth in a part of the galaxy we have not been able to scan yet. The results have been dispatched to our leaders in Washington and they shall take what ever precautions are necessary. Homer: Ha, the power plant is probably more dangerous than that thing! Marge: But didn't he just say it IS a wormhole? Homer: Yeah but it probably just opens into empty space... Scientist on the TV: We all so believe that the wormhole opens onto a planetary surface probably a class M or O planet. This however will eventually be confirmed when we send probes through. Homer: D'oh! Lisa: Don't worry dad I'm sure they will find a way to deal with it. Homer: How did you know I was worried? Lisa: Er...I'm not sure... Bart: Oh great! Now Lisa's acting weird. Lisa: No Bart, I was serious... Bart: whatever... Marge: Has Mr Burns said anything about all this Homer? Homer: Well not really and I never usually get to talk to the old man. CUT TO: EXT - SIMPSONS BACK YARD - NIGHT. Bart is sneaking out of the back door of the Simpsons house... Bart: Ok now to make the switch. Lisa: Bart! Where do you think your going? Bart: Shhh Lis I gotta go make this trading card switch with Milhouse. Lisa: Don't you think it's bit dangerous going out alone at night? Bart: But it's the only way If everyone finds out I've got this card it'll get "taken". Lisa: Why are you trading it to Milhouse then? Bart: I've got two, now shut up and let me go. Lisa: No! If your going I'm coming with you! Bart: What for? Lisa: Well wouldn't two pairs of eyes be better than one? Bart: Oh all right, but you better not slow me down any. Lisa: Lets go. They leave and go to the park to meet Milhouse... Bart: You know Nelson or Jimbo could be hiding right over there and we'd never know it. Lisa: That doesn't make sense, how would they know we are here? Bart: We I did tell Milhouse to keep quite but you never know, if things become 'complicated' just run, we'll meet up at home. They are nearly there and Milhouse can be barley seen in the distance... Bart: Whaat the he... Lisa: Whaaaa Bart and Lisa's eyes change unexpectedly as they drop into the infrared spectrum. They seem to glow a little in the dark. Lisa: This can't be right! I can see heat like a thermal imaging camera! Bart: Whaha Lis, help! The view switches to Bart's view and then Lisa's in both cases they stand out glowing red against the dark cold night. Lisa: Calm down Bart there is no reason to suspect this is harmful, I just don't understand though I've never heard of any person being able to see like this. I wonder if it's got something to do with my telepathy.. Bart: Yeah ma..what?! You can read minds and stuff? Lisa: D'oh! I didn't mean to tell you...but yes..sort of. Like before when I knew dad was worried. Bart: Any other weird secrets you'd like to tell me while your at it? Lisa: No. Bart: Hey wait a second, can you tell what I'm thinking? Lisa: No I can't do it all the time it just happens like it did before. Bart: Oh. Lisa: You realise we can't tell anyone about this? Bart: Well duh, I don't fancy being used as a lab rat... Lisa: We'd better go, I'm sure I can see someone beating on Milhouse. Bart: We gotta help him! Lisa: We can't! What if they see our eyes? Bart: What if mom and dad see them? Lisa: Hmmmm Bart: Lets go. CUT TO: INT - SIMPSONS KICHEN - NIGHT. Bart and Lisa come running in through the back door. Bart: Hey my eyes are back to normal! Lisa: It's must only happen when it's dark. Brat: Oh come on Lis I'd worked that much out! Lisa: Oh sorry. Marge enters the kitchen looking annoyed. Marge: Sorry is right! You two have some explaining to do! Bart: I wanted to trade a card with Milhouse but It went wrong. Marge: Don't ever go out like that again without telling me or your father, I'm really disappointed in you Lisa I thought you had more sense. Bart and Lisa: Sorry mom. CUT TO: SIMPSONS TV ROOM ONE WEEK LATER. Homer and Marge are watching the TV when their jaws drop. News person on TV: It is the top story today the town of Springfield and the surrounding area is to be made an exclusion zone by special order of the US government. The area has been thrown out of the Union and isolated due to dangerous radiation coming from the wormhole nearby. Homer: I don't believe this, I can't believe it. Marge: They stabbed us in the back... News person: Now we go live to head of the research professor David Kovic to hear what he thinks of the blanket exclusion that has resulted from his research. Prof Kovic: Well I have to say I'm surprised the amendment was passed despite the fact I have know about it for some time. The anomaly we are dealing with is not harmful and In my opinion and that of the other researchers there is no need for this measure. News person: I understand all the US personnel army and scientists are not allowed to leave the area either... Prof Kovic: Well I'm not surprised about that so much as the idiotic interpretation of my data. There simply is no need for this measure to be taken in the first place. News person: So there you have it folks the town once called "Americas worst city" is out of the union. Next on Fox "when things fall over"...stay tuned. Homer: Oh it just gets worse and worse. Marge: But Homer when do you ever leave this town? Homer: Oh well, it's not THAT bad as long as I got beer and tv...and my family... Marge: Uh huh? Hey wait something's on.. Col on TV: This is a special broadcast by me the commander of the army in Springfield. My superiors in Washington have decided that we will not leave this town after consulting with my men and the head of the research team I have decided we shall stay and defend this town from whatever comes through the wormhole. We shall also be recruiting new members from the local community, luckily we brought along more weapons and ammo than we need so this force will be a militia with my brigade at it's core. Homer: You know if I wasn't a downright coward I'd join that militia. Marge: Well it's better than working at that stupid power plant. Homer: You know what? You're right! Tomorrow I'm going down to sign up for it. Marge: Good for you Homey. CUT TO: THE ARMY CAMP ON THE EDGE OF SPRINGFEILD. Homer walks up to the sign up desk. Homer: Hi I'm Homer Simpson, I'd like to join the militia. Desk guy: Do you have any previous experience handling weapons? Homer: Yeah I've owned a pump action shotgun and a handgun. Desk guy: Hmm well you could stand to loose a little weight but that's about the best weapons background we've had yet, well apart from Moe that is. Homer: Moe was a solider? We are talking about Moe who runs the bar right? Desk guy: No and yes. Yes just a gun nut I guess. Homer: You should talk to that guy Herman who runs the erm well he's got a shop and he's a nut... Am man in an army uniform walks up to Homer, he looks about to be in his mid 30's hes almost 6 foot tall his hair is obscured under his helmet. Col Ford: Hmm another recruit? Welcome to the Springfield militia I'm Col Ford acting commanding officer. Homer: Acting? Col Ford: Well I got some friends of mine coming down here one used to be a General in the army so I suppose he'll take command when they get here. Homer: I thought we were blockaded. Col Ford: Oh these guys'll get through they've done worse. Homer: Ok so now what do I do. Col Ford: Come in next week when we've got the VR simulator and all the instructors are here. Homer: Hmmm VR...I'll see you later then. Col Ford: Goodbye I have...things to do... Two years later...[2003] FADE OUT, FADE TO: SIMPSONS TV ROOM. THE CAPTION READS: Two years later...[2003] They are all sitting on the couch apart from Homer. He rushes into the room... Homer: Marge! Kids! I've been chosen to go on an expedition through the portal. Marge: Oh Homer, don't you think that's a bit dangerous? Homer: Way to go spoil the moment Marge. Marge: But what if the scientists are wrong and there is something weird on the other side? Homer: Don't worry about me, I'll be fine...as long as they don't make Flanders go... Marge: What do you think kids? Bart: Go get em homeboy! Lisa: Good luck dad. Maggie: ! Homer: Thanks. Homer sits on the couch. Homer: Hey! Where's the remote? I wanna watch the news. Lisa: I'll change the channel. Lisa walks over to the TV but It suddenly bursts into flames for no reason. Lisa: Argggg!!! Bart: Oh great work Lis! You destroyed the TV! Bart gets up and as he walks past the lamp the lightbulb goes out. Bart: What the hell is going on with everything at the moment? Homer: I dunno any ideas Marge? Marge: Eh..no no I don't know why this keeps happening... Homer: Heeh I was just asking. Marge is relived and sighs as Homer walks of to get a beer. Lisa is still frozen in front of the wreaked TV. Marge: Oh erm..Lisa I'm sure it's not really your fault or Barts for that matter. Lisa: Yeah I gotta go... Lisa leaves to go upstairs Marge goes into the master bedroom. Marge: I gotta find out if this is to do with the wormhole! Marge takes out a very old book and starts reading it minutes later she raises her hands and coloured energy shoots from her fingers into the middle of the room... Marge: I knew it! That wormhole is magic! I could only ever do this when I was a kid... Homer blunders into the room... Homer: Marge! I'm bored and we need a new TV. Ah nuts to this I'll get one tomorrow, I'm going to Moe's... Marge: Fine, I'll get some sleep then. CUT TO: EXT - SPRINGFIELD MILITIA ACADEMY - DAY. The soldiers including Homer are gathered around a modern looking building with a concrete wall around the perimeter. The general is issuing his final orders. Hes in his late 40s about 5'11 and hes heavily built especially for a guy his age. He has dark hair although its retreating somewhat and he has a moustache. Gen Colins: So finally I would like to wish you all luck and remind you not to resort to violence unless there is NO other way. Homer: Don't worry we'll be fine, oh sorry sir.. Llt Skinner: Simpson! Fall into line. Ok we'll be going now, follow my lead. They march out of the gates into the desert and into the wormhole. Just before Homer goes through... Homer: Oh I sure hope those eggheads were right! Homer lands on his head on the other side. Homer: Arhhhhh d'oh. Skinner: I might have know you'd land like that Simpson, ah well lets move out. Homer: Sir are you sure we went through the portal it just looks like more desert. Skinner: We must have done, Springfield is gone. Homer: Oh good point. They walk for several hours and find nothing but desert until they see a big winged lizard like creature flying overhead. Homer: Oh great now a dragon is gonna kill me. Skinner: Shut up Simpson and get ready in case it attacks! The lizard keeps on flying and ignores the soldiers. Skinner: Well we've pushed our luck far enough men. Lets get back to the portal. Homer: Amen to that. They march back to the portal which is not hard to spot in the middle of a big flat desert. Skinner: Follow me in men! He disappears. Homer: Well it worked once.. He disappears and so on until the whole squad of militia are gone. Homer: Well the jokes on that big bat thingy, I'm still alive. Skinner: Yesss Now lets get back to the General and tell him that there IS another planet. CUT TO: GENERAL COLINS OFFICE LATER THAT DAY. The Ford is stood in front of the desk answering questions about the mission. Gen Colins: Hmm I had thought this might happen. I want two no three squads watching that gateway night and day do you understand? Col Ford: Yes sir! Gen Colins: Tell the men they can say what they will about this, after all people might as well know now rather than later. Col Ford: Are you sure that's a good idea sir? Gen Colins: Yes. Go now and don't question my authority again do you understand? Col Ford: Yes sir. Later at the Simpsons house. Homer: Hey Marge! There is a planet on the other side of the wormhole! Marge: What's it like? Homer: Um desert and we saw this big lizard thingy with a club on its tail. Marge: Uh er Homer did you really see that? Homer: Yes, why would I lie about it? Marge: Oh dear hmmmmm. FADE OUT, FADE TO: INT - SIMPSONS HOUSE - NIGHT. The Simpsosns are sitting around the table in the kitchen Marge has something to say... Marge: I need to talk to you Homer. Homer: But Marge big gorilla night is just about to start! Marge: This is important! I'd rather this came from me than from a stranger... Homer: [panicking] Oh no Marge I don't want a divorce I know I'm a screw up but I'll try I really will... Marge: That's not what I meant Homer. Homer: Phew! I thought it was all over then. Marge: Oh for crying out loud! Can't we just sit down and talk together? Homer: Er yeah come on kids lets all listen to your mother. The Simspons including Maggie all move into the kitchen. Marge: Homer are you sure you saw that Lizard? Homer: Yeah, but I don't get why you're so upset about it. Marge: Well I have to tell you then because someone will if they come through it. Homer and Kids: Tell us what? Marge: I'm from the same planet as that Lizard, its called Toril I recognised it, actually I'm from the southern region of the sword coast know as Tethir. Homer: Whoa! How is that possible? Marge: My clan my familiy...they where all slaughtered by the drow. They are all gone... Homer: So your dad is not your real dad?! Marge: No, he found me after a botched spell from a drow Mage sent me to Earth instead of killing me...I suppose their evil goddess Lloth was most displeased! Homer: Why did they attack your home? Marge: The drow hate all elves they raid villages and kill just for the sake of killing. Homer: So you lived with the elves then? Marge: No Homer I AM one of them! Homer: What? Marge: I'm an elf. We look very similar to humans but we are not. Homer: So what does that make our kids? Bart: This is crazy I'm not some freaking alien?!!!!!! Lisa: No Bart we are hybrids. Bart: Eh? Lisa: Part Human part Elf. Bart: Oh yeah like I believe that! Marge: Lisa is right. You must be half elves. Homer: What does that mean? Marge: Well like any kids they are part me and part you right? Homer: Yeah I gues.. Marge: Well the only other difference is they can or will be able to use infravision. Homer: Infra what?! Marge: Infra red vision that we use at night or in the dark to see other people and animals, but it only works on things that are hot not cold. Homer: That's crazy. Bart: Of course! That's what happened that night! Lisa: So that's what we were doing...It was perfectly natural. Marge: So you already used it? Kids: Yeah! Marge: I suppose there's really no need for me to explain then. Homer: But apart from that they are the same as any other human right? Marge: Yes except they live about 180 years not 75 years. Bart: Woo Hoo! Lisa: WOW! Marge: Well of course I'll outlive you all anyway because elves live for about 700 years... Homer: How? That's crazy! Marge: We just do its our natural lifespan. Homer: Oh Homer: Well this changes nothing. I still love you even if you are an alien... Marge: I'm not really an alien Homer if you think about it we aren't that different. Homer: Well yeah I guess.. Homer: Can you do that infra red thing then? Marge: What this? Marges eyes glow as she uses her infravision. All but Marge: arrrrrggggggahhaahahaha Marge:Oh sorry I didn't mean to scare you, but that's what it looks like... Homer and Bart: Phew. Lisa: Well duh. Marge: Homer I wanted to tell you but I really didn't see the good it would do..I didn't know how you'd react. Homer: It's ok I know I love you, so what's the problem? Marge: Hmm well I still wouldn't go broadcasting what I just told you all... Homer: It's ok I won't tell anyone yet, I guess now we know why you aren't like the gruesome twosome. Marge: I still don't like you badmouthing my sisters Homer. Homer: But their not really.. Marge: That's not the point! Homer: Ok enough already even I know that's not the important part. Marge: Actually Homer there is something I have to tell you apart from that. Homer: What is it now? Marge: I'm a magician. Homer: Wha? Marge: I can perform magic, spells whatever you want to call it. Homer: Oh...did you learn that back on that other planet? Marge: Yes, but I could not do it since I was sent to Springfeild...until now. Homer: Can you do something then? Marge: No I don't have anything memorised at the moment. Homer: Eh? Marge: I have to memorise the spells first before I cast them I did a simple one out of a book for a test but that's it for Now. Homer: Oh is there anything other than that I should know? Marge: No Homer that's it, say I really should tell the militia about magic maybe I could help them I am...was good at this kind of thing. Homer: Maybe I'll ask the general tomorrow. CUT TO: GENERAL COLINS OFFICE. Homer and Marge are come in and the general motions for them to sit down. Colins: So am I to understand you are from this planet then? Marge: Yes, and I'm telling you the stuff about magic is true! Colins: Well do some then. Marge casts a spell and suddenly there appear to be about 5 of her. Homer: Wha?! Colins: Ah looks like I was right, she's not joking... Colins: I take it that's intended to confuse an attacker so they attack the wrong one. Marge: Yes. Homer: Eh? Colins: Calm down Homer, I think your wife may have much to teach us...it is an Illusion isn't it? Marge: Yes of course...why do you ask? Colins: Oh nothing just something I read in a book about alternative dimensions once. Colins: Thank you Mrs Simpson and if you wish you can join us as soon as you want...to be honest I'm begging you we really need someone with your...unique talents.. Marge: I'll need time to think about it. Homer: What are we going to do now then? Colins: Well now that you mention it I am planning for us to establish a base on this other planet...is there anything we should now about it Mrs Simpson? Marge: Not really but I don't know much about deserts I grew up in a forest. Colins: Oh dang, oh well we'll just have to keep an eye out for uninvited guests then. Colins: Homer I intend to have you and Skinner under the supervision of Col ford go through the portal and establish a base that we can use as a place to stage more...exploritary missions on Toril. Homer: We'll be ready I'll tell Skinner Today shall I? Colins: Yes I'll inform Ford of my plan, until then goodbye and get some rest I have a feeling you'll need it... CUT TO: INT - SIMPSONS TV ROOM DAY. Marge is sitting on the couch as Homer enters. Homer: So Marge have you decided if you want to join up yet? Marge: I might as well but I can't work all the time. What about the kids? Homer: Don't worry I'm sure the general will be flexible with your hours. Marge: Yeah well he needs me so I suppose so. Homer: I guess it'll work out somehow..woo the games about to start. Marge: I'll leave you to it then. CUT TO: EXT - SPRINGFEILD MILITIA ACADEMY - DAY. The general is giving his final instructions for the mission. Colins: Ok am I making myself total clear? You WILL stay in communication with us and you WILL observe safety protocol at all times is that understood? Homer: Yes sir! Skinner: Yes sir. Col Ford: Understood sir. Colins: In that case I have nothing left to say to you apart from good luck and goodbye. Homer and the other militia get into the APC's and trucks and drive up to the gateway. Homer: Well here goes nothing. They drive through and appear on the other side. Ford: Ok listen up we'll move out a click or two to make sure we can see from all sides then build the base, is that clear? Homer: Yes. Skinner: Affirmative. They move out and begin to construct the base in the middle of the desert nothing particularly interesting happens. CUT TO: GENERAL COLINS OFFICE. The general is talking to Marge. Colins: So can you teach my soldiers to do magic? Marge: Yes I can but you understand this will take some time to explain? Colins: Of course. Marge: I all so think you should be looking for smart people not soldiers if you see what I mean... Colins: I'll try and get you some good students, how long will it be before they can use magic? Marge: Not long but using is not the same as mastering, that will take a very long time. Colins: Well I suppose that's decided then. Back at the new base on Toril... Homer: We sure got that built fast. Skinner: Yes well the base is basically a collection of modular components. Homer just looks confused. Skinner: Never mind..Simpson! Your squad has first watch I'm going to sleep. Homer: What makes you so sure? Have you spoken to Col Ford? Skinner: Yes. Homer: Oh right you are sir. Homer and some other soldiers get in guard positions within the base and night falls. Again nothing happens to pass by that is a threat. CUT TO: CLASSROOM AT THE MILITIA ACADEMY. Marge it taking her first class on magic. A room made up mostly of scientists and a few soldiers is waiting for Marge to start the class. Marge: Hello I'm Marge Simpson as you know the general has decided to have me instruct some of you people on the use of mage spells. I would like to warn you straight away that these spells are very dangerous never memorise or cast anything without asking me. Well I might as well start with a demonstration of magic and how it works and how to dispel it. I'm going to cast protection from fire on of you so I need a volunteer. Its perfectly safe. Solider: I'll do it. Marge: Good just stand over there. Marge try's to cast protection but instead polymorphs the solider into a dog! The dog barks at Marge. Marge: Wha? I didn't even know I could do that. Scientist: I sincerely hope you can get him back. Marge: Yes, all I have to is dispel it. Marge Dispels the magic and the solider returns to normal. Marge: Well erm that's not what I intended but It has been a while since I last did that. You can see what I mean now. Mumbles from the class. Marge: Mmmrrr. 4 Consequences. Springfield 2006... Cut to: The inside of the militia academy. Bart and Milhouse are walking down a corridor in the Militia academy...Bart looks like an assassin and Milhouse is kitted out like a soldier. Bart: So did you pick up those antidotes yet? Milhouse: Darn! I new I'd forgot something... Bart: That's just great I'm going out a patrol the day after there's a wyvern alert and Milly can't even get the antidotes. Milhouse: Sorry Bart, Is Homer coming with us? Bart: Yeah good old bucket head is gonna be there to ruin any element of surprise... Milhouse: Well...hes got...a really big gun...thats good. Bart: Hmm typical fighter..your always obsessed with overkill...no stealth at all. Milhouse: We its better than all that sneaking around! Bart: Ha ha Milly didn't you know a silent blade cuts best? Milhouse: Bart your kinda creeping me out... Bart: Yeah whatever..you'd better go get that stuff though. Milhouse: Eh? Oh right I'm going. Milhouse runs off to get the antidotes. Bart: Oh well I'd better go and get Lisa then. Bart walks off...in another part of the academy Marge is in her office and Homer is looking for her. He comes in as shes looking in a draw and is confused as he thinks shes not here. Homer: Marge? Where are you? Marge: Just a minute Homer! I'm looking for those notes from last time I talked to Menno... Marge stands up revealing that she has changed considerably from the last time she was seen, her hair is no longer worn up although it is still dyed blue and she still wears the same dress. Her features have changed slightly and she looks rather alien compare to how she was before, her ears and eyes in particular look more elven than human. Homer: Oh come on the deals practically in the bag even elves aren't gonna stall over this one...D'oh! Homer slaps himself on the forehead and Marge shakes her head disapprovingly. Marge: Mrrr I really wish you wouldn't say things like that Homer... Homer: Yeah I'm sorry I didn't mean to...uh I think we gotta go now or we'll be late. They walk off. The next part is of them meeting Menno [Head of the elven colony in the badlands.] Menno is looking out of the window as Marge and Homer enter the room he turns around as they're about to start talking. Hes an elven male about 5'8 with dark hair and pale skin, he has the usual pointed ears and light build that elves tend to have. He still wares his fine elven chainmail even though hes not on the battlefield. He smiles slightly when he recognises Marge. Menno: Well Hello again, it seems that I do indeed have something to discuss with you. Marge: So I take it you are going to sign this non aggression pact then? Menno: Yes we will sign it, of course I never really though any other outcome would result from these talks. Menno sighs... Menno: Much as it pains me to negotiate with a bunch of humans we should leave well alone...it suits our purposes. Marge: I know how you feel...but It still makes sense for us to be on the same side. Menno: Hmm yes. Tell your general that I will sign the agreement as soon as he does. Marge: Well I'm glad we can come to some sort of arrangement. Cut to: A corridor in another part of the academy, Bart is still looking for Lisa... Bart: Lisa! Lisa! Damn were is she? Lisa Turns the corner dressed in her chain armour and carrying her longbow. Lisa: Enough already! I'm here...whats the hurry anyway? Bart: Oh nothing just that your almost late for your first lecture...I don't think the Col will be impressed.. Lisa: Hmm yeah I'd better get going...see you later. Bart: Good luck Lis your gonna need it. Lisa: What does that mean? Bart: When you find out what one of the simulations is you'll know what I mean...he he he. Lisa: Er..yey see ya later Bart. Cut to:The Generals office, general Colins and Menno discussing something with Marge and Homer watching. Homer: Aren't they done yet? Marge: Well I just hope they don't start having argument again, that's why the general put me in charge of the negotiations in the first place. Homer: Well I have to go anyway, I've got a patrol to lead.. Marge: You should have gone about 10 minutes ago. Homer: D'oh..er bye. Homer runs off and the two leaders are still talking. Cut to: Bart sitting in the briefing room surrounded with a few other militia. He's sitting in a briefing room waiting for Milhouse and Homer assorted other militia are hanging around too. Homer runs in through the door. Bart: Ah only my dad could turn up this late without even getting his stuff first. Homer: Shut up boy! I mean quite Simpson! I've got a briefing to give. Homer now explains how they are going to go and kill a wyvern that has been seen in the area. Homer: Remember if it gets you with its tail take some antidote BEFORE you die, its got horrible icky poison on its tail... Homer: Now move out! Wait outside for me I'm getting my stuff. Homer goes and gets his full plate armour made from an ankeg shell, his machine gun and his two handed sword. Homer: Heh heh time to kick some lizard butt! Lisa is still on her way to her first lesson when Milhouse appears carrying antidotes. Milhouse: Lisa! Er..I didn't expect to see you here. Lisa: Actually its my first day today, I don't really have time to talk co's I'll be late if I'm not careful. Milhouse: Oh well I gotta go too, we need these in case that wyvern shows up. Lisa: Wyvern? What would one of those be doing here? Milhouse: No time to explain I gotta go. Milhouse leaves and Lisa goes to her lesson. Cut to: The cadets briefing room near the VR Simulator. A man in a uniform is standing at the lectern looking at his wristwatch. He's about six foot tall with black hair and he looks al little younger than you'd expect for an officer. Just as hes about to start the briefing without her Lisa runs in. Col Shaw: Ah I see you've decided to join us. Lisa: I'm sorry, I won't happen again. Col Shaw: It better not, take a seat and I'll begin. The Col walks over to the lectern. Col Shaw: Hello cadets I'm Col Shaw, well I'm sure you all know why your here, you are here because you want to fight for your town and its people and no doubt there are personal reasons as well. Make no mistake I and the other instructors will test you up too and beyond your braking point, we need to know what you handle. Now I'm sure you've all heard a lot about the VR simulator. We use this because in the simulator you can afford to make mistakes and learn from them, but remember real life will not be so forgiving. You will all be subjected to the same trials you will all suffer the same problems and choices, just don't give up because ultimately this is on of the most rewarding paths you can take at this school. Now I'll introduce or first mission. He goes over the specifics of the VR mission the cadet are about to undertake. They are to defend a bridgehead from a small orc horde. Col Shaw: Ok then I think that says it all. Any questions? Good then follow me and we'll begin. They walk into the simulator room with the VR equipment lead by the Shaw. Col Shaw: Ok here we go, I want you all to try your best this will be a difficult trial for all of you but be will come back to it and analyse any mistakes that are made. Please assign equipment that you actually use in real life this is a proper mission so I don't want to see any silly gear being used. They all attach there headsets and gloves ect and the sim begins. Lisa: Hmm sure looks real even though I know its not. Col Shaw: Ok people get in positions we only have 15 seconds before they get here. A horde of big angry green skinned orcs can be seeing approaching the bridge axes in hand. Lisa's brain: I'm almost looking forward too it..thats strange. The orcs are nearly at the bridge, some are readying bows and throwing axes. The fight starts. Col Shaw: Attack! All the cadets apart from Lisa form a defence line... Lisa: Arrrggg! ...Lisa rips into the nearest orc with her sword and at the same time looks very angry. She soon fells a second one and a third but the Col is not happy. Col Shaw: Simpson! Your supposed to be fighting in a group! Lisa isn't paying attention as she is far too busy trying to get near the remaining orcs who understandably aren't coming anywhere near her. Lisa: Come on just a little closer... By this stage the orcs are well and truly on the run but for some reason Lisa is following them. Col Shaw: Simpson! What are you doing? Come back here that's an order! Lisa: Huh? What am I doing? Lisa walks back to the Col. Col Shaw: You'd better have a real good explanation for that cadet! Lisa: I..I don't I just flipped as soon as saw them. Col Shaw: Well in that case..wait a minute are you one of Marges kids? Lisa: Yes. Shaw slaps himself on the forehead. Col Shaw: D'oh! This sim is over people! I will be having a discussion with the ambassador and cadet Simopson... They all take off there headsets and the Col walks over to Lisa. Col Shaw: Follow me. Lisa: Er..yes sir. They head for Marges office. Cut to: Homer, Bart and Milhouse outside the academy about to head out on patrol. Homer: Ok everyone lets go this shouldn't take long its not like this things hard to spot. Bart: What if it spots us first eh Milly? Milhouse: Then we kill it. Bart: Great plan man, really great plan. They walk out into the Badlands in search of the wyvern. They soon leave the town behind and desert scrub and rock formations is all that can be seen. Bart: You did bring those antidotes didn't you? Milhouse: Yeah of course I did, you told me too. Bart: Just checking. I hope we find this beasty thing soon I'm getting board. Milhouse: Well you'd better concentrate Bart this thing could do a lot of damage to you. Bart: Ah you worry too much Milhouse even if it attacks us there are enough people here to deal with it. Milhouse: Do you really think so? Bart: Yess...come on be optimistic for once. Back at the academy...the Col and Lisa are talking to Marge. Marge: Oh..hello Col Shaw..is something wrong? Col Shaw: Don't worry Marge, this is not about the negotiations. Marge: Well what is it then? He motions towards Lisa. Marge: You didn't do that same first sim mission did you? Col Shaw: Yes. Marge: Oh dear...I'll explain it to her then. Col Shaw: Ok I'll see you later. Lisa: Explain what? Marge: I bet you got kind of angry when you saw those orcs didn't you? Lisa: Well yes but.. Marge: I'm afraid Bart did the same thing, it seems because your part elf you just naturally hate orcs just like elves do. Lisa: I don't understand, how can I hate them if I've never seen a real one? Marge: It's kind of like cats and dogs or fly's and spiders we just don't get on with orcs. Their our natural enemies, they spend most of their time fighting us one way or the other. Of course its not like they get on with humans most other species for that matter. Lisa: Oh..there nothing you can do about it then? Marge: Well yes but your probably never going to meet one that's not trying to kill you anyway... Lisa: I really don't want to do that again..what if... Marge: You will learn to control yourself when your older it'll be ok. Lisa: Yeah...I really should go I've got some studying to do. Marge: Yes I'll see you later...It'll be ok really. Lisa leaves to go and study. Marge: Hmm I guess I'd better go and check on Menno and the General. Marge walks off. Cut to: Marge talking to Menno and the General in his office. Marge: Well have you singed the deal yet? Gen Colins: Yes we did that while ago I was just talking to Menno that's all. Menno: Well I've got to go now anyway I'd rather not keep my people waiting for this news. Gen Colins: Understandable, goodbye then. Menno: Farewell. Menno leaves. Gen Colins: Thanks for helping with these negotiations Marge I didn't want personal differences to spoil a chance for peace. Marge: I still don't understand why you dislike Menno so much. Col Colins: He just gets on my nerves that's all and that on top of all the pressure is not a good thing. Marge: Well anyway I should be going I've got a class to teach this afternoon. Marge goes back to her office... Cut to: Bart, Milhouse and Homer in the badlands still looking for a certain creature... Homer: I don't like this, I thought we'd have found the lizard thing by now. Milhouse: It can't have gone far, it attacked a guard post yesterday. Bart: Well I hope we find It soon I'm getting real tired of this. Homer: Ha ha maybe its knows who we are and its scared. Bart: Its an animal Homer it doesn't get scared. Homer: Hehehe don't let Lisa here you saying that... Bart: Yeah whatever. They here a screeching noise. Milhouse: Well its found us! Homer: Split up now! Bart: Got ya. They split up and get ready expecting an attack at any minute. Homer: Damn its getting dark. Bart: So? Barts eyes begin to glow as his infravision kicks in. Homer: Well you'd better keep a lookout then. Bart: I'll see it don't worry. Milhouse: Well were is it then? Homer: Stay frosty stay frosty. Bart: Come on you stupid thing I got better things to do. Homer: Shut up damn it! They here a flapping noise. Homer: Here it comes...Bart where is it? Bart: I can't...there there dead ahead..watc.. The beast fly's past Bart and Milhouse and swipe at Homer with its tail but it only scrapes his amour. Homer: That's it! Eat this! Homer fires a long burst at it with his machine gun hitting one of its wings, it crashes to the ground. Bart: It's not dead..come on Milly. Milhouse: Uh...I'm not sure about this! Here goes nothing! Bart start firing arrows from his bow and Milhouse charges at the wyvern axe in hand. It try's to hit Milhouse but at two of Barts arrows hit it and Milhouse cuts it to finish it off. Homer: Well that's the end of that. Springfield one, lizard nil. Bart: Hey nice shooting Homer. Milhouse: Hey! I finished it off... Bart: Hhm yeah anyway lets go. Homer: Yeah I don't wanna be out here at night. Bart: Relax Homer, I can see if anything is stalking us. Homer: Yeah well lets go...move out everyone. They head back to the Militia academy. 5 Changes. Cut to: Simpsons house they're having breakfast together in the kitchen, Homer looks nervous. Homer: Marge I've been wanting to talk to you about something... Marge: What is it? Homer: Well..um...can we talk in private? Marge: Ok. They go into another room. Marge: So what is it? Homer: Well its kind of...why do you look different? Marge: What do you mean? Homer: You look more er..elven that you used to. Marge: I don't know, maybe its the wormhole maybe its all that time I spent on Toril...I really don't know. Homer: It's just that its scaring me a bit. Marge: Why? This is what I'd look like if I'd stayed on my home planet. Maybe this is what I should look like. Homer: Well do you know your eyes are... Marge: Yes I know! That how my eyes are supposed to be! Homer: Will the kids be like that? Marge: I'm not really sure its hard to say how elven they'll look or how human they'll look. All the people here look different to the humans I can remember from when I was living back on Toril so its hard to say. Homer: I'm not saying its a problem its just that I want to know. Marge: Well ok..but you still love me don't you? Homer: Of course I do! I'm just worried co's I don't understand any of this stuff that's happening. Marge: Yeah its starting to get to us all I guess. Cut to: The kitchen, the kids are talking. Bart: What the hell are they talking about? Lisa: Well I'd assume dads talking about mom and us and they don't want to hurt our feelings. Bart: Oh you mean Homeboy wants to know why we're all looking weird these days? Lisa: Well yes but we don't look weird. Bart: But Lisa we do... Lisa: Actually Bart we look like typical half elves with features from both parents, I looked it up in the database and that's just how we look. Bart, you can't compare yourself to something your not. Bart: Well that's just great, all my life I've wanted to be arny or van damm and I end up looking more like my mom. Lisa: Well I don't know what your complaining about, I didn't see you complaining about infravision. Bart: Yeah thats cool. Lisa: I'm worried about mom and dad arguing again. Maggie still isn't saying a word either... Bart: Well wasn't it you that said it is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt? Lisa: I don't think that's what Maggie's thinking. Maggie just carries on ignoring Bart and Lisa. Bart: Maggie say something, go on talk to Bart. Maggie just stares at Bart. Lisa: I think there's something wrong with her voice box. Bart: How so? Lisa: Well we can read each others thoughts so we know she thinks coherently...but she never says anything. Bart: Yeah..hmmm. Lisa: Bart stop that! We're not going to electrocute her to get her to talk. Bart: Oh sorry just a silly thought...hey stop it! We agreed no mind reading unless there's a good reason. Lisa: That IS a good reason! Bart: Oh yeah...heh heh. They carry on getting ready and stuff cut to Marge is talking to Lisa alone. Marge: I have something to show you, I've been working on this for a long time. Lisa: What is it? Marge: You'll see. They go upstairs to Homer and Marges room and Marge gets out a box. Marge: Lisa ever since you decided to join the militia a few years back I've been working on this. Marge opens the box revealing a longsword. Lisa: Oh neat you enchanted a weapon for me. Marge: Yeah, I decided that if your going to be part of the militia you might as well have a decent weapon..not that I see the need for big weapons myself..but I thought you could use it. Lisa: Er ok. Lisa picks the sword up and examines it. Lisa: What are all these etchings on the hilt. Marge: That's the enchantment I...we placed on them. Lisa: What does it do? Marge: It makes the blade sharper, it protects you from fire and it makes the sword burn. Lisa continues to examine the sword. Lisa: Cool, I've always wanted something like this...I hope I never have to use it though. Marge: Well I just though we might as well do something after all magic weapons tend to come in handy, especially with some of the monsters you find around here these days..its a shame that you probably will have to use it... Lisa: Who's this we? Marge: Some of the militia wizards and I. Lisa: Oh I see. Marge: I thought now was the right time to give it two you. Lisa: Thanks..er I think we'd better get to the academy... Marge: Yeah we'd better go or we'll be late! They go back downstairs. Bart immediately spots Lisa's new sword. Bart: What the hell is that? Lisa: My new sword mom just gave me. Bart: I never go one of those. Lisa: No you got a magic longbow and sword. Bart: Yeah, so is it any good? Lisa: I hope so, I think its supposed to be magic. Bart: Hmm well we'd better get going anyway. Homer: Yeah we had because the generals got a new sim for us today. Bart: What is it? It must be good for vets like you and me to be in it..no offence Lis. Lisa: Mmmmrrr. Homer: I don't know, he wouldn't say. Cut to: The training centre at the academy. The General is waiting for them in the briefing. Gen Colins: Well that seems to be everyone, so I'll start. This series of simulator missions has been set up to teach you how to fight bandits and mercenaries, your probably wondering why. Well our Intel division has received word from Toril that a rouge group of bandits have been operating close to the portal on Toril. Yesterday they stormed the outpost on the Faerūn side of the wormhole and broke through. Gasps from the militia. Gen Colins: Now we think these rouges are working for someone..they have amassed a small army, I noted that there numbers are far in excess of the norm for bandits. These people are up to something they fought a fierce battle with the outpost just to get here. Either they plan to raid of town and trade routes or they are after something more. The point is they must be stopped! Off the record I believe that given the size and disposition of their forces they MUST be after something more than just money..a criminal force of this size has never been amassed not even by the Zhentarim or the Red wizards of Thay! [They are noted force for evil all over Faerūn on Toril] More surprised gasping ect. Gen Colins: With that in mind I will hand over to Col Shaw who will conduct the rest of the briefing. Shaw walks up to the lectern. Col Shaw: Thank you sir. Now as the general said in light of recent event we are going to run a simulated campaign against what we believe to be a fair representation of the rouge forces currently in the badlands. You must remember your not fighting monsters now your fighting people, do not expect these bandits to be easy either if you take these guys for mugs it could be the last mistake you ever make. Gen Colins interrupts after speaking on his phone. Gen Colins: I have just received word that the rouge force has entered the hills in the badlands. It seems that they plan to entrench themselves for a protracted campaign of harassment against both Springfield and Evermere. I believe we had better step up our training, Col. Col Shaw: Isn't there a more immediate threat sir. Gen Colins: No, it seems from what we have been able to divine that they are unable to face us in a head on assault. They may still be dangerous though. Oh and as soon as we have trained against them I want my best troops to lead an attack on the outpost and take it back, we cannot afford to let them bring more of their "friends" through. The Col point to the screen. Col Shaw: You have your assignments.. He turns back to Colins. Col Shaw: Are you sure we shouldn't hit them now sir? Gen Colins: No! We need to practice against them first and anyway we don't even know their location...yet. Col Shaw: Never mind. Right the mission is Simple you are to defend a convoy in the badlands from attack by bandits. You will have only a few minutes until the raiders arrive so you should take up defensive positions quickly. Homer: What are these bandits like. Col Shaw: Should I tell them sir? Gen Colins: I see no harm in telling them its only a guess at what we're facing anyway and the point of it is practice not tactics. Col Shaw: The first enemies you will encounter will be humanoid, goblin, orc and hobgoblin bandits, they are armed with swords and bow and arrow. The second wave consist of 2 ogre beserkers, 6 ogres and an ogre mage. As you know we don't know the makeup of these bandits but it is safe to assume they have ogres on their side as these gobliniods often works as mercenaries. While the ogres are a formidable hand to hand threat the ogre mage is by far the most dangerous opponent he has spells that can inflict really heavy damage and should be taken out as soon as possible. The militia including all of OFF but Maggie put their headsets ect on and the mission starts. They are standing next to some trucks in the middle of the desert. There are rocks and bushes strewn about. Homer is in charge of the squad defending the front truck. [OFF and Milhouse funnily enough] Homer: Right we'd better hide, get to some cover. Homer and Marge hide behind a rock with Bart, Lisa and Milhouse hiding in some bushes. Bart: I don't get it they should be here by now. Lisa: I know. Milhouse: Marge! Cast grease on the ground when they charge to slow em down. Marge: Shut up Milhouse! I already worked that out. Milhouse: Sorry. The first bandits come over a rise nearby and slowly advance on convoy. They are a mixture of humans and gobliniods and clearly hired goons. Homer: When I say...go for it. A few seconds pass and the rouges are wondering where the convoy people are. They continue to advance slowly. Homer: Go! Homer fires a burst of gunfire into the line killing or wounding several of the bandits. At the same time Marge begins a spell. Bart fires a explosive arrow into the middle of another group killing most of them outright and Milhouse and Lisa engage the closest rouges in melee combat. Homer: Heh heh got em. Milhouse hits a goblin with his axe bringing it down. Milhouse: Take that! Marge then finishes the spell which covers the ground near the bandits with grease which they stick too as the try and run away. Homer continues shooting at them and so does Bart. Lisa and Milhouse are still fighting their enemy's. Lisa's sword finds the throat of a nasty looking hobgoblin. Lisa: Bart! Get over here and join in, their stuck! Bart: Ah why not. He pulls out his short sword, charges at the nearest bandit and stabs him. Bart: This is too easy.. Milhouse: AH look out! Although most of the "cannon fodder" are ko or worse the ogres have only just arrived. A group of them and an ogre mage are advancing on the back truck in the convoy. Homer: Quick we have to help the rest of the team! Marge: Its not our fight, we're supposed to hold these others off. Homer: But their running away. Marge: They could come back. Homer: Oh all right. At this point the ogre mage sends a fireball crashing down onto the other militia at the back truck. Lisa: Uh oh. Bart: Cool! I mean c**p! Marge: Oh no you don't. Marge launches a lightning bolt at the ogre mage followed by two flaming arrows. They hit him and he stumbles about wondering where they came from. Homer: I'll get him! Homer Switches his gun to single shot and looks through the site. At this point the hand to hand ogres are about to crush the surviving militia at the other end of the convoy. He shoots once at the mages head and drops it with one shot. Homer: Yess! Now charge those other goons! The whole team advance on the hired goons now without their artillery cover. They begin to back away unsure of the their position. Bart: Well don't just let em go. Homer: Stand your ground! Bart: But.. Homer: I said stay! The remaining rouges and ogres run realising they are beaten and that Homers squad could easily cut off their escape route if they do not go now. Homer: I told ya, their going their dumb but not THAT dumb. Lisa: I still say we should...nah let em go. Bart: Lis don't do anything silly ok? Lisa: I'm fine, even if it does take all my self control not to go after them. Marge: I know but it's over anyway, we did it. Homer and Marge talk to the other team members that are ok and The kids are talking. Bart: Well we did it, that the last we'll see of them. Milhouse: Yeah! Did you see those idiots walk right into our trap? Bart: Yeah that was cool. What's up Lis? not talking? Lisa: Oh er I was just thinking about something..I really don't know if this is what I want to do. Bart: Well its up to you but its not like there's a lot of other things to do in this two bit town. Lisa: I guess I really only joined up co's you did. Bart: What?! Lisa: Well I a first I wanted to be one of the researchers at the academy but then I saw how much the militia helped to defend the town because you told me and I didn't want to be stuck indoors all the time. I guess I want to help, I just wish there wasn't so much violence. Bart: Well me too but we live in this sandpit next to a wormhole, its not like we have a choice. You gonna have to learn quickly as well co's I figure these rouges are gonna be trouble for this town. Lisa: I know, I just can't understand what they want..they must be after something... Homer interrupts them. Homer: Er I think you should take your gloves and headsets off now we're done. Bart: Oh yeah! I nearly forgot we were in the simulator. They take there VR headsets and gloves off and return to the briefing room. Col Shaw: Well to those of you who succeeded well done to those of you who "died" I guess now you can see what I mean. This is the kind of threat we are now facing, there will be a new schedule of training missions on order to ensure we are ready to deal with these contemptible law breakers. That's is all dismissed. Cut to: The Simpsons house OFF are talking about what happened in the simulator. Marge: Well they really pushed us hard today..those bandits must be really worrying the general. Homer: Oh don't worry we'll have everything under control in a matter of weeks...[clap of thunder as Homer is WRONG!] Lisa: Uh what was that? Bart: I dunno. Homer: Oh I'm sure everything will be fine. [Another clap of thunder.] Marge: Mrrrrr... Bart: Well I'm beat anyway just as well we can still relax once in a while..hey Lis have you decided if your sticking with the academy? Marge: Wha? Lisa your aren't having second thoughts already are you? Lisa: Em...kinda, I but there's not really a lot of other things in this town that I'd want to do. I guess I'll get used to the fighting. Bart: Lisa I know why you don't like it, hell I'm not a big fan of killing monsters and stuff but someone's got to do it. Lisa: I'm just not sure I'm the right type of person... Bart: Oh so what are you gonna do quit? You haven't even been out on patrol yet. Marge: Bart! Lisa! Just stop arguing about this! They all look at Marge. Marge: You have make your own decisions, do what YOU feel is right. Lisa if you don't want to be part of the militia then don't, but we're not an army, we're not there to serve some grand empire, we're a defence force that protects this town and its people. Never forget that. Lisa: Well I guess at least we're not invading some other poor people... Marge: No we're not! Anyway if the government hadn't turned there back on us we wouldn't have to worry about things like that. Homer: Yeah lousy politicians! Stab us IN THE BACK! Marge: Calm down Homer... Homer: Ok ok.. The next day...Bart wakes up. Bart: Ah another day another.. Marge: Bart! Get up! We have to go in early today. Bart: Er ok. Bart gets up and walks downstairs to the TV room. Bart: Whats the big deal? Homer: The general phoned me this morning and he said they've found out some new stuff about those bandits. Bart: Well er good I'm gonna get some breakfast. He goes into the kitchen. Lisa: Hey Bart. Did you here about the new information? Bart: Yeah, this had better be good. Lisa: They probably know who's behind this now, after all it can't be that hard there's only a handful of organisations who could AND would try something like this. Bart pours some cereal. Bart: Yeah yeah whatever.. Cut to: The academy at the same time. The general is talking with one of his intelligence officers. Gen Colins: Your defiantly sure about this? Intel person: Yes, the report was quite specific they found among other things the bodies of drow mercenaries at the outpost. Gen Colins: Well normally I'd be suspicious of elves trying to blame something like this on the drow, why did they go in without so much as telling us? Intel person: They must have felt that there only way home if something terrible happened was being threatened and attacked but... Gen Colins: But what? Intel person: They didn't have to fight their way in the outpost was abandoned. Gen Colins: I see, dismissed. The intel person leaves and the general starts talking to Col Shaw. Gen Colins: Well this is far more serious than I had imagined. Those mercs must have been working for the bandits that attacked the base! Col Shaw: Yeah and they just abandoned it after they when through the wormhole so it looks as if they don't have any intention of returning to Toril. Gen Colins: Indeed, and they had the means to hire drow mercenaries. As I understand it there are only a dozen or so groups on Toril that have the money and the influence to do that. Contact Menno and set up a meeting we're going to need to work together to survive this. Col Shaw: Yes sir. The col walks off. Gen Colins: What are you after? What do we have that justifies coming all this way ? Hmmm... Cut to: Off arriving at the briefing later on. Homer: See I told you we'd be on time. Marge: Only just. Homer: Ah stop worrying Marge everything gonna be fine...[loud thunderclap again...] Homer looks around. Homer: Who keeps doing that? Marge: Shhh the generals about to start. Gen Colins: Hello militia, cadets I trust your all here. Now we have learned something very interesting about the intruders in the badlands. They have NOT bothered to hold the outpost they stormed a few days ago, this indicates they intend to be here for some time, maybe even permanently. Hahha well I think we'll have something to say about that one way or the other! Another interesting piece of information is that these rouges have enlisted the help of drow mercenaries! So we are defiantly dealing with a real threat not some amateurs. Regrettably we still don't know were these criminals are or what there after however I have a feeling we'll know soon enough they certainly don't strike me as the subtle types. Well that's all the information we have, Col Shaw will now conduct the briefing. Col Shaw: Thank you general, Now some of you might remember that a while ago we decided to try and recruit some experienced "heroes" from Toril to help us train. Well we have, although for obvious reasons we had to proceed under utmost secrecy. I'm sure that they'll be able to help us talk our bandit problem if only by training some of our new recruits, they'll only be here for a few weeks but I'm sure we've much to learn from them. Ok come out guys. Drizzt and Elminster walk out and join Colins and Shaw at the front of the briefing room. Elmisnter is a tall older looking man with a beard, red robes and a pipe. He looks exceptionally old although he moves like a much younger man. Drizzt is much shorter than Elminster at about 5'4 he has very dark skin and white hair he looks a bit like Menno only different somehow. He is wearing blue chainmail amour and in his sword belt he carries a pair of curved scimitars. Col Shaw: I'd like to introduce you to Elminster, the sage of Shawdowdale and Drizzt Do'Urden the famous drow renegade. I'm sure you've all herd at least something about their exploits up and down Faerūn on Toril. They will be acting instructors at the academy for a few weeks, I'm sure we could learn a lot from them. Elminster steps forward to say a few words. Elminster: I will take this opportunity so say how much I'm looking forward to assisting the defenders of this town, thou have certainly had thy fair share of bad luck. Hopefully Drizzt and I can be of some assistance, especially in light of recent events...I'll not keep thee any longer as I fear there is little time and much to be done. I have no doubt it shall be a most interesting experience mayhaps even as much as the journey here, Drizzt would you like to say anything. Drizzt: Indeed I would. Drizzt walks up to the front and adjusts the microphone so he can reach. Drizzt: I too have journeyed here because I felt that you could use another experienced adventurer as an instructor. In light of some of the "information" about certain mercenaries helping the bandits I may be of even more use, still things aren't quite as dire as they seem. I know how these brigands think and if they wanted to attack Springfield or Evermere directly they'd have done it by now. I can only hope you are a skilled and dedicated as your general said you are, for I have a feeling we'll all be tested fairly soon. Still the journeys been a long one and I've already said to much so I'll let you get beck your duties. Drizzt steps back and the Col goes back to the mic. Col Shaw: Well I'm sure we'll benefit from their insights. Ok that's it, there will now be a 10 minute break before the first of today's simulator missions. Homer: Wow! Who'd of thought Eliminster AND Drizzt would come to our town? Bart: Yeah its cool, but why would they care about our crappy little town? Lisa: Well they have dedicated their lives to fighting evil and preserving knowledge, perhaps they think its their responsibility to help us because we need help. There is a brief pause as no one really gets what Lisa is on about. Homer: Well it sure was nice of em to come all this way. Marge: Well of course I knew the general had asked several well known adventurers for their help but I never thought Drizzt and Elminster would both turn up to help us..I mean I thought they'd be busy. Bart: Hey Homerboy did you and mom know about this? Homer: Only that the general had started asking around, I didn't know what happened. Marge: I'm really looking forward to meeting Elminster, he's supposed to be one of the most powerful wizards in all of Faerūn, they all so say he's over 500 years old.. Bart: You don't really believe that do you? Its probably just exaggeration. Lisa: Cool! I bet he know all kinds of things about Faerūn. Homer: Oh well I'm going. I'm not spending ALL of this break talking about the "Heroes". I think I'll go get a coffee you won't need me now the "heroes" are here! Homer starts to walk off. Marge: Oh Homer don't start getting all wound up about this. Lisa: I think he's a little sensitive about his position mom. He probably feels their moving in on his territory. Marge: Oh if only I could have told him this earlier, but I didn't know about it. Bart: Ah he's calm down in the end he always does. Marge: Mmmm I hope so. After the break Homer the rest of OFF and the other militia are back in the briefing room. Marge turns to Homer. Marge: I take it your all done pouting now. Homer: I'm not pouting I'm...ok so maybe I am but I don't like all this flash "bring in the super heroes" to sort out OUR problems c*#p! If were gonna get anything done we have to do it ourselves. The General walks up to the lectern and the conversation abruptly ends. Gen Colins: Thank you, now to business. We are going to have something of a departure from our normal simulator missions today. We are going to let every one of you fight one on one with Drizzt I doubt anyone will beat him but that's not the point of the exercise. The point is to learn something from an experienced adventurer, Elminster for his part will be holding a sperate session outside the simulator to discuss magic and lore ect. Oh and remember all we ask is that you do your best, and remember not to take it too seriously its only a training mission. Well that's it, good luck. Marge is looking very worried. Homer: Oh great now I've got to spar with that no good little...Marge what's wrong? Marge: I well I..the last time I saw a drow in combat was..oh I can't even think about it. Homer: But this guys a renegade, he's no more one of them than you or me. Marge: It all right I'll be ok.. Homer: I'm sure if you explain to the general he'll understand. Marge: No, you herd what the general said I've got to face them sooner or later the first time might as well be in VR. Homer: Fine, if that's what you want then lets just go. They get up and got to the simulator, following Bart, Lisa and the other militia who have already left. They get to the simulator and put on their headsets. There are several militia who go first Drizzt defeats them all eventually. Then its Homers turn. He lasts for a while but ultimately is outwitted as Drizzt hops back as Homers sword comes down and then comes back and knocks Homers sword from his hand. Marge does little better only her mirror imaged trick causes the drow any problems even then he eventually finds the "real one" just as she's about to hit him with her staff and sticks one of his swords straight under her guard. Other assorted militia including Bart and Lisa don't last long enough to warrant a full description. The general and the colonel are watching from the control room of the simulator. Gen Colins: I hope its just that he's as good as they say and not that we're that bad, co's if we are god help us all.. Col Shaw: If only we had someone like that at our disposal just once. Makes you wonder what Emlinster's got in store for us. Gen Colins: You know I don't believe I've never seen someone move that fast..is that a spell? Col Shaw: Nope, he doesn't like magic much. Gen Colins: Hmmm we've got some serious training to do. Col Shaw: Oh yeah. The militia all take off their headsets and leave the simulator OFF are talking amongst themselves. Bart: Wow that's guys really good! He's like something out of a Kung Fu movie! Lisa: Yeah "Cool" Man! Bart: What's up with you anyway? Most of the militia are better than us, we're only cadets. You didn't expect to win did you? Lisa: No, I just didn't expect to loose that quickly. Homer: Ooooh I knew that guy would beat me, this sucks. Marge are you all right? Marge's hands are shaking and she's looking really stressed. Marge: I..I think I'll go and lie down.. Marge walks off. Homer: Hey wait? Is it something to do with.. Lisa: Let her go dad! I don't think now is the right time talk about this. Homer: Ohh I'm not good at this, aw I knew I shouldn't have let Marge go in that simulation. Lisa: Well this is going to sounds cold but..mom has to confront her "demons" some time. Maybe it better that this happens sooner rather than later. Homer: Demons doing what now? Lisa: Uh! Forget it! I'm going to study. Bart: Dad, I er..think you should probably give mom some space, I think that's what Lisa was saying. Homer: Owww but I still don't know what to do after that..ah nuts to this I'm going to get a coffee. 6 Calm before the storm. A day later..and Homer and Marge are talking. Homer: Are you sure your ok? If you wanna take some time off I'm sure the general won't mind. Marge Shakes her head and glares at Homer. Marge: I'll be fine. Its just that the fight in the simulator brought back some things I thought I'd forgotten. Homer: Look I don't pretend to know how your feeling, god knows I'm probably the last person you should ask about things like this but you can't just pretend everything's all right. Marge: Oh right, well what am I supposed to do? Homer: Go an see a doctor I guess... Marge: No. I'm not going to relive all those things again. There gone. In the past. That's it. Homer: But Marge you can't go on suffering like this, you gotta do something. Marge: Homer, that's it that all I have to say on the matter. I'm not going to a shrink about it and that's final. I have to go now, Elminster is going to do a session about magic at the academy. Marge Gets up and leaves. Seconds Later Lisa comes in. Lisa: Hi dad. Is mom still not listening to you? Homer: Yes, she just won't go no matter what I say. Can't you talk to her or something I'm no good at this kinda thing. Lisa: Em I don't think mom would appreciate one of her kids telling her she's got mental problems, it might make it worse rather than better. She might even think we're ganging up on her. Homer: Oh great! Now what am I gonna do? Lisa: Back off, at least for a while anyway. Homer: Heh!! Oh hang on you just mean don't talk about it right? Lisa rolls her eyes. Lisa: Right. Homer gets up and leaves still looking worried. Lisa goes into the TV room where Bart is sitting on the couch watching TV. Bart: Hey Lis what up? Lisa: What are you so happy about? Bart: Why do you always answer a question with a question? Lisa: Why are mom and dad arguing again? Bart: Why are you a ne..aruging? About what? Lisa: I think its something to do with Drizzt, well not him in particular but Drow in general. Bart: Wow what a newsflash! Their crazy! I never knew that... Lisa: No I was talking about mom, she's been really anxious ever since that VR duel. I think it reminded her of the events that resulted in her being sent here. Lisa sits down on the couch. Bart: Man that's harsh, I don't see what we can do about it though..unless..what if we get her to talk to him! Lisa: Bart that's not funny. Bart: No I mean it, after she see Drizzt's not such a bad guy she won't have a..what do you call it? Lisa: Neuroses? Bart: Yeah that's it. But how do we do that? Lisa: Don't worry I'll ask dad when gets back. A few hours later Homer comes into the TV room. Homer: Wow! Space mutants XI what a movie! Lisa: Heh dad can I talk to you? Homer: Yeah sure, what's up? Lisa: I think I know a way of helping mom with her neuroses, well actually it was Bart's idea. Homer: Whoaa lets back up here, neurowhat? Lisa: It means she's being acting..weird because something..is bothering her..something from her past. Homer: Oh you mean the whole loosing her family and being transported to an alien planet thing. Lisa: Yes, and I think I know how we can help her. Lisa tells Homer about the plan Bart and herself came up with to help Marge. Homer: Are you sure about this? There's something screwy about making Marge go back to the thing that started upsetting her in the first place. Lisa: Well its either that or we do nothing, and mom doesn't seem to be getting any better. Homer: Well I'll give it a go, but if Marge goes nuts it your fault ok? Lisa: DAD! That's not really the point, besides I don't want to think about that right now. Homer looks at his watch. Homer: Where is Marge anyway? Its getting late. The front door opens and Marge comes in although not into the TV room. Homer get up and goes to the door, Marge is just going up the stairs. Homer: Hey, um how did..that thing..with that old wizard type guy go? Marge: You mean Elminster's lecture on magic? Oh it was great. Homer: Aren't you going to tell me about it? Marge: Homer I know your just faking an interest in this to cheer me up, and besides even if I did tell you I don't think you'd understand most of it. Homer: Jeeze I was only asking. Marge: Oh I'm sorry, I guess I must be more tired than I thought. They go upstairs. The next day... Lisa comes up to Homer as he arrives downstairs in the morning. Lisa: Dad. Homer: Yeah? Lisa: You haven't forgotten about that plan have you? Homer: No of course not. I'll try today but I don't even know if Drizzt will be able to do it. He's probably busy being a hero and scaring peoples wives half to death... Lisa: Dad! This is the best idea we've got and we spent ages thinking about it. Homer: Oh. Anyway gotta go..breakfast.. Homer walks off. Lisa goes into the TV room and approaches Bart who is on the couch. Lisa: Well I told dad about the plan. He says he's going to do it. If that guy is available that is. Bart: Cool, I hope this works. Lisa: Me too. I don't even want to think about what mom will do if she gets any worse. Later at the academy. Homer comes into Marge's office. Marge: Oh hi Homer, I didn't expect to see you until dinner. Homer: Er..Marge..I'd like you to come with me, its very important. Marge: Ok..I guess. Marge gets up and follows Homer down the hallways. Marge: Homer what's this all about? Homer: Marge just follow me, what's the matter don't you trust me? Marge: Of course but.. Homer: But what? Just follow me ok. The arrive at the room. Homer: Go right on. Marge enters the room with Homer just behind her. Marge: *Gasp* Homer what are you doing? The last thing I want to do is.. Homer: Marge. You've been obsessing about what happened all those years ago every since Drizzt got here. Now I'm no psychiatrist but I know there's only one way of sorting this out. She's all yours Drizzt. Homer exits and locks the door. Drizzt: Hello Marge, please sit down. I was sad to here of the "impact" our little altercation in the simulator had on you. I wouldn't have let you take part if I'd known of your past then. Marge: Wha? Homer told you about that? Drizzt: Indeed. What I'm trying to say is that what happened was terrible but you have to understand what the drow are really like. I lived in the underdark for many many years and I've travelled up and down Fearśn, but I've never met a species so evil or ingrained with hatred as the drow. I know I lived with them. I am one of them. Marge you have to put it behind you or you'll never be free from Lloth's fangs. Marge: That's easy for you to say. Drizzt: Is it? I lost my family to, not to the drow but because they where drow. I have to admit I don't know all the answers even in my hundreds of years I've never managed to completely get over the things that happened. You have to start somewhere though, and I didn't mean you harm you know it was only a training mission. Marge: I know, its just that it made me remember those awful things that happened. Drizzt: You should forget them, what's done is done. You cannot change the injustice of what happened but you can change the future for the better. Don't dwell on it, don't make the same mistakes I did. Marge: You know actually that helps a bit, I didn't think it would but..well I suppose I've been worrying about things I can't change. Thanks Drizzt I think I'll be ok now. I must be. There are people who need me, I'm head wizard dammit! Drizzt: Exactly, an accident of fate may have brought you here but can you fault the result? You have a Husband, 3 kids and a job doing exactly what you where always meant to do. Marge: Yeah! I'm not going to just give up! I can do this! Thanks for the advice, I guess I'd still be paranoid if you hadn't helped me. Drizzt: Think nothing of it, I'm pleased I've managed to undo some of the damage my people have done. I must go now though, I have classes to teach. In case our paths don't cross again I'll say farewell and good luck, your going to need it. Marge: Thanks, oh and goodbye. Drizzt leaves and Homer comes back in. Homer: So, did..I mean..um are you ok now? Please tell me it worked Marge! Marge gets up and looks at Homer. Marge: It did I guess, I feel better than I used to. Besides I can see there's no point in worrying about it now. Homer: That's great! How come you managed to get over it so quickly? Marge: I guess it was really all in my mind. It doesn't matter now anyway, I'm back to normal that's what matters. Homer: Well that's that then, I'm glad your better I was getting really worried about you. Marge: Yeah its a good job you had the idea of making me talk about it. Homer: Actually it wasn't just my idea, Bart and Lisa came up with it and we decided to give it a try. Marge: Well I'm glad you did..Oh look at the time! I have things I should be doing. Homer: Yeah me too I guess, I got lots of work to do to. I'll see you later then. Marge: Yeah, see you later. They both leave to go back to their work. Cut to: The generals office a couple of days later. There is a bang on the door. The general looks up from a report he's reading. Gen Colins: Come in! Col Shaw enters the room. Col Shaw: Sir Menno has arrived and is ready to meet you. Gen Colins: Good, this is too important to wait any longer. Send him in. Shaw exits and Menno enters the office a few seconds later. Gen Colins: Ah Menno, long time no see. Menno: Indeed, but if you don't mind I'd like to dispense with the pleasantries and get to the point. What is it you wish to discuss? Gen Colins: I wanted to explore the possibility of us fighting the bandits together, after all from what we know about them they may have an agenda that will harm both Springfield and Evermere so it makes sense we should face them together. Menno: Hmm a military alliance, I didn't realise you where so concerned with these rouges. Though I must admit they have been acting more like an army than a bunch of marauders. Unfortunately we haven't managed to discover their location or their objectives yet. Gen Colins: We haven't either, this suggests that whoever they are and whatever their planning they must go to great lengths to ensure total secrecy. Whatever their up to we'd stand a better chance of defending ourselves if we worked together. Menno: I agree with you about the alliance but there's a lot of places to hide in this area, if they don't want to be found then I doubt we'll be able to find them. At any rate it may take a long time to sort this problem out, you ARE committed to dealing with this threat aren't you? Gen Colins: Definitely, no matter how long it takes. There is something about this whole thing that makes me edgy, that's why I intend to get to the bottom of it. So are you with me? Menno: Definitely. If we're going to have any hope unravelling this plot we'll need to work together. After all it is obvious that we are not enemy's so we may as well be on the same side in this. Gen Colins: My thoughts exactly, I'm glad you agree with me about this. Its not often we see eye to eye. Menno: Well apparently this time we do. I just hope we can stop whatever those backstopping scum are planning to do before its too late. Gen Colins: It almost sounds like you know more than your letting on Menno. Menno: I wish I did. All I know is what you do that there is something very suspicious going on, like they have some motivation we don't know about. Still now we'll be ready when it happens whatever IT is. The general gets out some documents and places them on his desk. Gen Colins: Oh don't worry I'm sure IT will happen, that's why we must work together. I'm sure your busy though, we should get the documents signed then you can be on your way. Menno shrugs. Menno: I'll never understand why you place so much value on a piece of paper, still if that what's it takes for us to trust one another.. Gen Colins: Its merely a formality, I know you wouldn't enter into an agreement that you didn't intend to keep. They sign the documents. Menno: Well its done, I'm sure Springfield and Evermere will both benefit from this alliance. I really should be going though there's much to be done. Gen Colins: I'll see you later then. Menno: Farewell, until next time... With that Menno leaves. Later there's a knock on the door. Gen Colins: Come in! The Col steps into the office. Col Shaw: So how did meeting go? If you don't mind me asking. Gen Colins: The meeting? Oh fine, fine. Menno agreed with me about the alliance. I thought I'd have to argue with him about it but apparently he sees it my way for a change. Col Shaw: Well that's good news! I have to admit I'm surprised Menno was so..enthusiastic about the idea. Gen Colins: Well maybe "enthusiastic" is a bit of an exaggeration but I think he meant what he said. I take it that's why you came in, you haven't anything to report have you? Col Shaw: Um well..actually no..sir..I'm sor.. Gen Colins: Oh stop apologising Shaw! You are my second in command after all, I'd have been a bit worried if you had'nt asked about the meeting. Anyway your demised, I'm sure you've got things to do. I know I have. The general starts looking at some papers on his desk. Col Shaw: Yes sir! Shaw salutes and leaves the office. Two years later at the academy. The alliance are still hunting for the bandits, Skinner is giving a briefing. Skinner: Yes well as you know we are still searching for the base of operations that these raiders are using, to that end we will send a squad to take part in another joint expedition. This means you'll be working with troops from Evermere. I know it seems there's no finding these villains but they can't hide from us forever, we'll get them sooner or later. Skinner then reads out the list of who's going which includes OFF, Milhouse and some other militia. Skinner: Right go and get your equipment, and don't take all day about it either. Everyone leaves the room. Cut to OFF getting ready. Milhouse: Hey Bart are you ready yet? Bart: Nah..gimme a minute. Bart continues messing with his equipment and checking he's got everything. Milhouse: What do you think about us going out looking for raiders again? Bart: Not much, but heh its gotta be done I guess. He throws some rope and a radio into his bag. Milhouse: Well we have to find it sooner or later. Bart: Yeah I guess. I'm wondering what other things are lurking out there though..right I'm ready. Homer walks over to them. Homer: Hurry up! We ain't got all day you know. Bart: Ok ok I'm ready. Milhouse: I'm ready too. Homer: Right good. Hey Marge are you ready yet? Marge: Yeah I'm ready. Lisa comes over to talk to Bart. Lisa: So Bart have you got everything? Bart: Just about, I'm ready to kick some butt! Bart swivels his short sword in his hand. Lisa: Yeah well I guess that's one way of putting it. Bart: I wonder what we'll run into this time. Lisa shrugs. Lisa: It could be just about anything I suppose. We'd better be ready for it. Milhouse: Oh yeah, I'm defiantly ready for it. I'm kinda looking forward to this actually. Lisa rolls her eyes and walks off. Bart: You know Milly your not going to impress Lisa by saying things like that. Milhouse: You think so? Bart: Never mind..lets go. At this point the other militia have finished with their equipment and gone. Homer: Hey! Stop standing around talking and get moving. They all gather outside the building. Homer is the last to come out resting his gun on his shoulder as he walks. Homer: Right lets get going. Move out! They move out heading towards Evermere. A little later. Lisa: Heh where exactly are we going on this patrol anyway? Homer points at the map. Homer: We're going towards Evermere then we're going to head towards the mountains over there. Lisa: So do we think the base is there? After all we've looked in almost every other area around here. Marge: Well its a possibility and we've got to check it out. Which means I have tramp through as this desert.. Homer: Yeah, yeah...but what if we do find em? Then its payback time heh heh. Marge: If we find anything at all that is. A few hours later. Their still walking. Bart: Awww come on! We must be nearly there now. This is so boring man. Lisa: I know its tedious Bart but I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now. Besides this is important. Bart: Well on the bright side we know where we're going even if its gonna take us about a zillion years to get there. Homer glares at Bart. Homer: Its not gonna take us that long to get there so stop complaining. Bart: Yeah whatever. This better not be for nothing though. Milhouse taps Bart on the shoulder. Milhouse: Well Bart at least your not as hot as I am. This weather's just too hot. Bart: Meh. I think its fine..better than rain anyway. Several hours later and their nearly at the place where their meeting the troops from Evermere. Homer's studying the map. Homer: Right we're here. Heh its not far now. Bart: Cool! we're nearly there. They walk a bit further. Lisa: I'll see if their within visual range. Marge: We should be close enough by now. Lisa scans the terrain ahead with binoculars and spots a small camp with a few tents. Lisa: Ah! There! That's must be them! Bart: Either that or someone's gone on one hell of a camping holiday.. Homer: See I told you we'd get there. They walk down to the camp. Two elven soldiers walk out to meet them. Soldier: Greetings, I take it you are the troops from Springfield that are going to help us conduct this search operation. Homer: Yep that's us, I'm Homer Simpson of the Springfield militia. Can I talk to your leader? We'll need to talk about a few things. Soldier: Of course. Follow me. The soldier leads Homer to a tent. He then motions for Homer to go inside. Inside theirs a female elf sitting down meditating she looks relatively young and has brown hair and bronze skin. She stands up as soon as Homer comes in, she is almost as tall as Homer maybe one or two inches shorter and wears elven chain armour. Homer: Uh Hello. Jaris: Ah hello I'm Jaris, commander of this unit. You must be the commander of the Springfield troops, come in sit down. I trust the road has not been too hard on you and your people. Homer: Yeah I'm Homer. As for the journey we've had worse, we didn't even get attacked by anything this time. Jaris: I'm glad to here that. What was it you wanted to talk about? Homer: I was wondering who is in charge and who's doing what. Jaris: Well technically I suppose I outrank you as I'm Menno's second in command..but I guess we'll be in joint command. As for who's doing what we should try and work as one unit as far is as possible. Homer: Phew I'm glad that's sorted out. Jaris: I suppose you'll be wanting to make camp as well. Homer: Yeah defiantly we've been walking all day. I think some of us are kinda tired. Jaris: That's understandable, we've only got here a while ago so we're not planning to move just yet. You can go tell your people to set up camp, oh and don't forget to allocate some of your troops to guard duty. Homer: Yeah ok I'll go tell them to get started. Homer goes back out to the militia. Homer: Ok we're setting up camp here and we move out tomorrow. We need more people on guard so I'll take the first shift with Ben and John, you two are ready right? The two militia step forward and nod. Ben carries a katana and wares plate amour he has dark hair and a short beard. John carries a staff and is dressed in wizards robes he has a hood over his head. Ben: Yeah I'm all set. John: Yeah don't worry nothings gonna get through with us on duty. Homer: Ok get on the perimeter then. The rest of you start setting up camp. They begin setting up tents, Homer, Ben and John go off on guard duty. Some time later.. Ben looks through his binoculars and shakes his head. Ben: Still nothing. I can't remember the last time it was so quite round here. John frowns at him. John: Heh don't jinx it Benny! After all nice and quite better than loads of trouble. Ben: Jinx? Heh sounds like your getting superstitious. John's about to answer when Homer comes to check on them. Homer: You guys seen anything? Ben: Nope, if there's anything out there it ain't coming after us. John: That's right boss, not a thing in sight. Not a sausage. Homer: Hmm sausage..ah well, try and stay sharp. Homer walks off back to the other side of the camp. The rest of the team have just finished setting up the tents. Bart and Milhouse just finish the last tent. Bart: Phew finally that's the last of them. Milhouse: Yeah well we gotta sleep somewhere. Bart looks around. Bart: Heh where'd Lisa go? Milhouse: I think she's gone over to the other side of the camp. Bart heads off to look for Lisa and finds her sitting on a rock near the edge of the camp. Bart: Heh Lis! Whatsup? Lisa gives no reaction. Bart: Lisa! Lisa suddenly realises Bart's there. Lisa: Eh? Oh sorry Bart I was just thinking. Bart: About what? Lisa: The raids of course. We've got to stop them somehow, there's too many people are getting hurt, killed or disappearing. Bart: Yeah..its getting pretty bad..well maybe we'll find something this time. Lisa shakes her head. Lisa: I still don't understand why they'd capture people. It doesn't make any sense. What am I saying? Thing like this never makes sense. Bart shrugs. Bart: I guess not. Still who knows maybe we will stop them this time, you never know. Lisa: I wish I shared your optimism about this Bart. Bart: Well I'm sure we'll find them sooner or later..then its payback time! Lisa: Bart this isn't about payback! Its about saving our towns! Bart: Yeah well either would be good right about now.. Lisa: Ah I'm going to sleep, I can't do any good sitting here. Bart: Yeah me too, we've been walking all day and don't even get me started on those tents. They head back into camp. Cut to: Bandit HQ in the badlands. Gordon is discussing something with Hazak. Gordon is a human wizard dressed in dark robes Hazack is a half ogre fighter with plate armour and a two handed sword. Gordon: Well? What have you to report? Hazak: The latest raiding party has returned master. Gordon: So how much did they get this time? Hazak: Three carts of trade goods and they captured five people. Gordon smiles an evil grin. Gordon: Excellent news indeed. Prepare the good for transport back to Toril and set the prisoners to work in the mine. Hazak: Is there anything more I can do master? Gordon: One thing yes. Tell me how we are progressing with the search for the artefact. Hazak: We haven't found it yet. Of course its only a matter of time. Gordon: Yes time seems to be the greatest cost to finding it. Hmmph if it wasn't so important I'd walk away in an instant. Hazak: Not that I'm questioning your judgement sire..but are you sure this artefact is burred here? After all we have been here for a very long time and.. Gordon: Don't trouble yourself with such things. The scroll I found is authentic that much is true, so it follows that what the prophecy states must be true. When I get my hands on it none will dare oppose me. Besides even if we don't find it just yet our raiding activities are producing more than enough money to..sustain our operations. Now go and don't disturb me unless it is absolutely necessary. Hazak: Yes sire. Hazak leaves Gordon's chambers mumbling something under his breath. Gordon unlocks a strongbox and takes a scroll from it. He reads it then puts it down and shakes his head. Gordon: Its quite specific about everything the gateway, the badlands the mountains..blast it! I'm in the right place, why can't I find it? He bangs his fist on the table. Gordon: No! I'll find it, and when I do..hehehehe..then they'll fear me..oh yes bwahahhaahhaah... Cut to: The militias camp the next day. They are nearly ready to go. Bart: Heh Johny boy! Did you manage to get any sleep? John: Erm..yes..not as much as I'd have liked..damn guard duty! The best part is nothing turned up! Bart: Yeah, my shift was the same. Must be the off season for raiders or something. John: *lol* They probably didn't want to come anywhere near our camp in case you stole all there gear off them. Bart folds his arms and glares at John. Bart: Hey! I know I'm a trained thief but I only steal stuff on "official" business, I'm not a kleptomaniac! John Shrugs. John: Ah it's ok man, I was only joking. Bart: Oh yeah that's really funny, I got one for ya. Why are you always hanging around with Benny? Is he your boyfriend or something? John: I don't know why I'm dignifying this with an answer but if your gonna be a jerk I'll explain. The reason we're often assigned to the same duties is that I'm a wizard and he's fighter, He bashes heads I fling spells its obvious really. Bart: *lol* Oh of course, how could I have suspected anything? Well looks like I had the last laugh, see ya. Bart walks off in the direction of Milhouse. John: Whoah I was only joking..damn breed..no sense of humour.. Milhouse: Oh hi Bart. Bart: Hi Millhouse, so are looking forward playing find the needle in the haystack again? Milhouse: What? Aww come on Bart it's not that bad. Bart: Nah your right, after all a least if we where doing that we'd know the needle IS in there someplace. Milhouse: What are you so naked about anyway? Bart: Oh nothing just having to haul ass all over the badlands just because some loony toon aliens keep attacking people. Milhouse: Uh huh. Homer interrupts them at this point. Homer: Well just look at it like this. The cemeteries are full of people who'd love to be wandering around the badlands looking for bandits. Oh yeah and get ready to go we're leaving soon. Homer walks off, Bart and Milhouse stand for a moment with their mouths open. Bart: Milhouse. Milhouse: What? Bart: Almost 99 percent of what my dad says is c*#p but once in a while he says something that actually makes sense, this must be one of those rare moments. Milhouse: Wow.. Bart: Anyway lets get going the sooner we leave the sooner we can get this over with. They all leave in a loose column and begin heading towards the mountains. Cut to: Bandit HQ. Gordon comes stalking into Hazak's room. Gordon: Hazak! Ah yes I thought I'd find you skulking here! Hazak: Is there something you wanted sire? Gordon: Yes there most defiantly is! I need this letter delivered to our lord asap! Hazak: Forgive me master but why did you not just send it with the last shipment? Gordon: Why indeed? Well his courier only arrived today with a letter asking for a progress report. No doubt he's wondering if we've found a certain item..anyway this must be delivered! Dispatch a messenger immediately! Hazak: How can we? The gate has only just been used it'll take at least a day to recharge. Gordon: Then go through the bloody wormhole then! Hazak: How would a messenger do that? They'd be killed by the guards at the outpost! Gordon: *Sigh* You know I thought you might have realised that if they used one of my invisibility potions that wouldn't be a problem. It's just as well you fight better than you think. Hazak: Ah an excellent plan sire. Gordon: Yes it is rather good. Now start putting it into action! Go and find a messenger. He hands Hazak a scroll case and some potions. Hazak: At once master. Gordon: Oh and tell the messenger not to drink the potion until they get to the wormhole, it only last a few hours. Still it should be enough to get my report through safely. Hazak runs of to find a messenger. Cut to: The badlands a few hours later, the militia are still heading towards the mountains. They are halfway up a dusty trail running along the top of a small valley. Homer is shouting over his shoulder at the troops. Homer: Come on hurry up! We don't have all day. Genral mumbles of discord among the troops. Jaris: Homer I think the troops are a bit tired we should let them rest for a while. Homer: What? Are you crazy? We need to keep moving. Marge: Oh come on, a few minutes isn't going to make that much difference. Homer: Oh all right, but then we're gonna go flat out all the way. Homer stops and turns around. Homer: Ok everyone you can have a rest, we're stopping for ten minutes. Cheers and woo hoos from the troops. Jaris turns to Marge. Jaris: I don't want to be offend anyone but...how did Homer end up in charge of his own squad? He's not what you'd call an inspired leader. Marge: Mmmmm well that depends..I think when you see him in a fight you'll see how he "inspires" people. Jaris: Ah so he leads by example then? Marge winces. Marge: Erm yeesss..thats one way of putting it I guess. The militia have now stopped to rest, Homer sits on a rock as Ben comes up to him. Ben: Sir do you want me to go and scout ahead to see if their anything in the pass. Just in case, after all we don't want to get caught napping. Homer: Huh? I suppose so but you'd better not be doing this to suck up, I hate suckups. Ben: Oh..do you still want me to go? Homer: Sure knock yourself out..just take someone with you I don't want anyone getting jumped. Ben: Yes sir! Ben salutes and runs off to get John. Ben: Hey John we got some scouting to do. John jumps to his feat surprised. John: Wha? D'oh! I was just having a rest! I bet this was your idea, your always sucking up to commanders. Ben: Yes it was my idea, but not for that reason. John: Well your out of luck anyway, that's not going to impress Simpson he's a real lazy guy. Ben: Enough already, lets go! They both head off up the path and stop near an outcrop of boulders overlooking the pass. John: Ha! What a waste of time..no hang on. I can see something moving down there. Ben gets out his binoculars and looks at the shape. Ben: Hmm Looks like we've got company, whoever that is their not ours. John: Could be just someone travailing. Ben puts the binoculars down. Ben: Nah they'd have to be crazy to come out here alone, besides there's nothing out this way to travel from. John: Well maybe their lost. Ben: We'll see. Ben pulls out a radio flicks it on. Ben: Heh heads up boss we got an unidentified contact in the pass....nope their a long way away and there wearing a hood....uh hu..well their humanoid that's about all I can tell for sure....ok got it. John: So what did Simpson say? Ben: We're going to cut them off, we gotta get down to the other end of the pass in case they turn back. Homer's already gone back down the trail with Jaris to intercept em if they keep going. John: I hope this is some bandit or something or he's gonna be really pissed at us. Ben: Ah take it easy, besides no one but a bandit would be out here in the middle of nowhere. They both set off along the trail to the other end of the pass. Cut to: Homer and Jaris as they near the bottom of the trail, a rumbling noise is heard Homer: Hey..whats that. Jaris: Who knows, no time to worry about that now just keep moving. Homer: I'm sure I've heard it before..I can't remember where though. They get into the pass and hide behind some boulders. A few minutes later the cloaked figure comes into view. Homer gets out a stun grenade. Homer: Right I'm not taking any chances wait till they pass by I'll throw this at em and you grab em, got it? Jaris: Is that really necessary? It seems a bit extreme, we don't even know if their an enemy. Homer: Trust me this the best way, they could be a wizard or something and I'm not giving them a chance to start chucking spells at us. Besides they won't be any permanent damage..unless you feel like causing any. Jaris: As you would have it... At this point they here a crash and a scream followed by a truly hideous crunching sounds they both look up over the rocks and see a large beetle like bipedal creature about 12 foot tall standing over the remains of a humanoid it just hit. Homer: Get down! They duck back behind the rock again. A few seconds pass.. Another crash shakes the valley. Homer peers out of the rock and spots a hole in the side of a cliff near where the monster was. Homer: Phew! Its gone. Jaris: I thought we where dead for sure, was that a.. Homer: Umber hulk? Yeah and how! Shame about the poor sucker who got hit by it. Jaris: Do you think its gone? Homer: Just follow me and have your longbow ready. They slowly advance towards the two holes in the valley and the remains of the unlucky traveller. Homer: Looking good, I can't hear anything. They arrive next to the body. Homer: Oh uh ewwww..what a mess.. Jaris: I'd try to resurrect them but I think this is beyond even the power of magic. Homer: No kidding? Heh what's that? Homer bends down and picks up a bloodstained scroll case. Homer: Well I guess we if we look at whatever in here maybe we can work out who the h**l this was. Jaris: Well I wouldn't normally condone stealing from the fallen but I suppose its the only way we'll find out. Homer reads some of the scroll inside. Homer: Heh looks like we hit the jackpot! Jaris: What do you mean? Homer: This sounds like it's from the bandits. Homer reads some more. Homer: Woooo hooo! Guess what I just read? Jaris: Something about what these rouges plan to do? Homer: Even better! It says they've got a base hidden in the mountains. Jaris: Excellent, so all we have to do now is find it. Homer continues to read the scrolls. Homer: Oh oh..no...THAT BASTARD!I DON'T believe it! Jaris: What's wrong? Homer: He smuggled a magic stone into Springfeild and he's gonna use it like a nuke to blow the town up! Jaris: What? We must return there at once and inform your Genral. Homer: Don't tell anybody about this it'll only make them panic. Jaris: Do you think thats wise? Homer: Heh, trust me I know all about blind panic...now lets get back to the rest of the group. They start walking back up the path to the rest of the group. Jaris: Do you really think that thing could act like an A-Bomb? Homer: Heh, I only know two things about wizards: 1 Don't piss em off 2 When they say they can do something screwy they *ain't* lying. Jaris simply says nothing and carries on walking, Homer gets out his radio and calls John and Benny. Homer: Hey guys get your butts back up here! We're heading home. No I *don't* have time to explain. Cut to Ben and John walking back up to the group sometime later, Homer and Jaris are already there Homer and Marge are arguing. Marge: I still say I should be allowed to read it! I don't care if I'm not as higher rank as you. Homer: I already told you this is top secret! Marge just folds her arms and gives Homer a dirty look. Ben opens his mouth at this point. Ben: Heh guys whats up? The man tells me we're heading back. Marge: Oh nothing, just that Homer found some letter on that corpse and he *won't* let *me* read it! Ben: Uh huh... Homer: Right lets go, come on everyone move out. One of the elven warriors with Jaris gives her a funny look but she just nods and they all head back to Springfeild. Nothing of any interest happens on the way back and they arrive there in just under 2 days. EXT - SPRINGFEILDS FRONT GATE - NIGHT Homer walks up to the gate and shouts for them to let him in, two guards come out. Guard #1: Who goes there! Homer: Aww cut the c**p you *know* who we are just let us in I gotta talk to the general. Guard #2: Whos is that guy? Guard #1: Its Simpson, I think his squad are meant to be bandit hunting. Hey! How come your back already? Homer: I have important news to report to the general. Guard #2: Sounds dodgy. Guard #1: But I know that guy, hes one of the militia. Let em in! There is a grinding mechanical noise and the large metal gate opens. They all enter the gate. Homer: Thank you! Guard #2: I guess some guys are just too dumb to know we're f**king them about. Guard #1: We are? Guard #2: Ahh shaddup. EXT - SPRINGFEILD MILITIA ACADEMY - NIGHT Homer and the rest of the troops enter through the front gate and he turns to them as they enter the court yard. Homer: Right, I'm going with Jaris to talk to the general. The rest of you grunts can get some rest for now. Dismissed. Homer walks off and Jaris shrugs her shoulders and follows him. INT - GENERALS OFFICE - NIGHT Gen Colins: Ah Homer, the gate guards told me you where back. What news is so important that it warrants abandoning the patrol? Homer: This is! Homer hand the General the letter he reads it. Gen Colins: Where did you get this? Jaris: We found it on the corpse of a man in the badlands, I suppose he was a bandit. Gen Colins: You suppose? Homer: Well he had a boxing match with an Umber Hulk by the time we got to him there wasn't much left... Gen Colins: I see...very well you are dismissed. There will be a briefing at 0800 hours tomorrow organise a strike against the keepers of this "bomb". Homer: What? Aren't you going to do something now? Gen Colins: Homer this has to be carefully planned, for all we know they could be spying on us. Homer: But we need to get rid of this thing now! Its like a ticking time bomb! It could go off at any minute. Gen Colins: Homer I am just as concerned as you about this but acting to quickly will only tip our enemy's off and then they may detonate the device anyway. Homer: WHAT?! AND WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY'LL DO IF WE JUST SIT HERE? WAIT FOR US TO COME AND GET IT?! Gen Colins: Your coming dangerously close to insubordination soldier! Homer: I DON'T CARE! Jaris: Homer! I think you should cal... Homer: NO! I'M GONNA STOP THIS IF I HAVE TO FIND THOSE BASTARDS MYSELF! Homer storms out of the office. Gen Colins: I'm sorry..I didn't catch your name.. Jaris: Jaris sir, Evermere defence force. Gen Colins: Well I must apologise for Homer, hes a good man but he can be...difficult sometimes. Jaris: None needed sir, I was just wondering if there is anything my troops and I could do to help? Gen Colins: Maybe, but it will have to wait until tomorrow. Only fools rush in. Jaris: Where angels fear to thread. An ancient human proverb. Gen Colins: Yes..anyway I'll show you to your rooms. Jaris: Shouldn't one of your officers do that? Gen Colins: You think their awake? Jaris: I see. They leave the office and the scene switches to Homer. INT - CORRIDOR INSIDE THE ACADEMY - NIGHT Homer is walking down the corridor faster than he normally would when Marge comes out of a door and spots him and runs after him, he talks to her but does not stop walking. Marge: Homer! Where are you going? What did the General say? Homer: He said some stupid thing about not attacking those chumps until tomorrow. Marge: Does he think their watching us? Homer: Yeah its crazy, those guys are no smarter than me. They wouldn't bother with spying. Marge: So what are you doing? Homer: I'm going to find those punks and kick their asses! You coming with me? Marge: I really don't think thats a good idea Homer, we should wait until the General organises a proper attack. Homer: Oh you to huh? Well see ya. I'm might not make it back, if you see the kids tell em their dads just gone off to get himself killed trying to save everyone's butt. Marge: Homer! This is crazy, why don't you just stop it and come home with me? Homer: Their you go again Marge your not even listening are you? Marge: Homer just promise me your not going to go off alone in the middle of the night. Homer: No. Homer walks off. Marge: Mmmrrrr EXT - STREET IN THE "WAREHOUSE DISTRICT" OF SPRINGFIELD - NIGHT Homer walks comes out of an abandoned warehouse and sits down on the sidewalk. Homer: Stupid bandits I'll never find their base at this rate. Heh I know all I have to is think what the hero would do if this was an action movie. Hmmm... Homer thinks for a few moments. Then he spots a manhole cover with steam rising out of it. Homer: Thats it! I just need to go into sewers! I bet their hideouts in there! Homer runs over to the cover and trys to lift it off. After sever failed attempts he is standing on it when it makes a noise and breaks in half he falls into the sewers. Homer: Dooooooooohhhhhhh!!! He lands in the sewers but instead of hitting the walkway at the side he lands in the river of sewage. Homer: Phew I could've been really hurt if I'd hit the walkway...no wait... Homer Breaths in and notices the smell of what hes sitting in. Homer: EEWWWW! I should have aimed for the side, this sucks! Homer gets out of the sewage and climbs up onto the "bank" of the river. Homer: Hmm this way I think. He walks off down the path... INT - PASSAGE IN THE SPRINGFIELD SEWER SYSTEM- NIGHT [Like you'd know if it was day :)] Homer: Boy this smell is starting to get to me, I gotta get outta here... Homer Spots a ladder leading up to a manhole cover. Homer: Right I'm otta here...heh who the hell have I been talking too? Aww screw it...I'm too tired... He climbs up the ladder and pushes the cover away. INT - ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - NIGHT Homers head pops up and he looks around. When he spots the coast it clear he climbs out onto the floor. Homer: Damn, wheres the door outta here? Homer stumbles around for a until his eyes adjust to the darkness and then he spots a door. He walks up to it and opens it. The next room is not quite so derelict things have been moved around and there is a light on in the office at the end of the warehouse. Homer: Oh great now I'm gonna get arrested for trespassing if I don't get shot, I'd better go and ask them for the way out. Homer walks up to the office and bangs on the door. A man in chainmail armour opens the door. Homer: Hi I..well I kinda got lost in here and I was wondering if you could tell me the way out. The man spots Homer's Ankeg plate armour and two handed two and looks at him strangely but Homer doesn't notice this. Man: Um I gotta call my boss first, I have to tell him if anyone comes in here. Homer: Heh I'm not stealing anything, I'm just lost. Man: Yeah..um its just a procedural thing. Homer: Whatever, but you better tell me the way out afterwards. The man goes into the office and picks up a radio. Man: Hi I got me a "Springy nut" in here, uh huh. Homer: Heh! What'd you call me? Man: Its just what we call trespassers. Homer: Oh. The man whispers. Man: Heh you seen a guy with green armour in them records? No s**t? Right gottcha. He puts the radio down. Man: Ok you can go now the front doors over that way. He points into the blackness of the warehouse. Homer: Right see ya. Homer walks off into the darkness all of a sudden there is a blinding flash and several bandits appear including Gordon. Gordon: Ah so it is you. Allow me to introduce myself.. Homer: Not LIKELY! Homer draws his sword and swings it at Gordon who jumps back but the tip cuts his nose deeply. Gordon: Arrgg! Thats it! I was just going to lock you up but now I will destroy you. He casts a spell and a glowing shield appears around him. Homer trys to hit him with his sword but it can't penetrate the barrier. Homer: Huh? Gordon casts another spell and five balls of read light fly out and hit Homer knocking him back across the warehouse. As Homer is getting to his feet Gordon casts the spell again and Homer is smashed against the wall. Homer: Uh...dammit.. Gordon: That is only the beginning of your punishment fool! No one crosses Gordon, I *will* have my revenge. I *shall* have my vengeance against those who stand in my way. He fires three flaming arrows at Homer and Seriously injures him. Gordon: I tire of this. You aren't even good sport Homer, I truly wonder how such a weak fool could have lived so long let alone joined your beloved militia. He casts a spell and just as Homer gets to his feet he is hit by it. He quickly turns to stone. Gordon: Good, another victory. The weak falling to make way for the strong. Gordon then notices hit men looking at him rather puzzled. Gordon: You! Go back to the base, I will deal with this moron. The men nod and disappear in a blaze of light. Gordon raises his hand and shoots a beam of light at Homer, well at the statue that was Homer anyway and it floats in front of him. He walks past the office into one of the back rooms with the statue hovering in front of him all the way. The view pans around he is standing in front of the Large stone with a timer next to it. The timer reads Days:2 Hours:8 Minutes:45 Seconds:32 he drops "Homer" next to the device. Gordon: No death for you, no release. At least not until the rest of this town is rubble too. Hahahhaha. He then leaves and turns the light out on his way out. He does not see a small shape hiding in the shadows. It is humanoid but only the same height as a human child. It steps out of the shadows and reveals itself to be a thief most likely a halfling or a dwarf. [By dwarf I mean a dwarf *not* a small human] Thief: Good, hes gone... The thief walks over and inspects the device and the statue for a while and then leaves stopping to check for any noises made by guards or Gordon himself. Thief: Good the coast is clear now to report this to the militia... The thief runs off and disappears into the distance. The next outside the academy. 7 Simp Trek IV - The search for Homer. EXT - SPRINGFIELD MILITIA ACADEMY - DAY Bart is standing at the gate looking at his watch. Suddenly Marge comes over to him. Bart: So has anyone found anything yet? Marge: No I'm afraid not, Lisa and Jaris group are still searching the shopping district but it doesn't look like he's there. We've searched every bar in town as well, even the ones Homer wouldn't like... Bart: I'm starting to get worried, I mean sure this isn't the first time Homeboys gone off on his own but I think he was *serious* about finding those bandits on his own. Marge: I know..Bart I'm sure he'll turn up...probably blind drunk and.. Marge is interrupted by a voice from off screen its the thief from the warehouse. Theif: I'M TELLING YOU I'M NOT HERE TO STEAL ANYTHING, I JUST *NEED* TO TALK TO SOMEONE. Guard #1: Then go see a shrink. The guards start laughing... Guard #2: Heheheh shrink get it? Thief: Dammit! YOU STUPID BIG IDIOT THIS IS IMPORTANT! Arggg why are humans always so stupid? Ooops did I say that out loud? Guard #1: Alright thats it I'm gonna gut you...you little dwarf s**t! Thief: I'm a *Halfling* not a dwarf, you can't even get your abuse right! Marge runs over and shouts at them. Marge: HEH! STOP IT! Whats going on here? Guard #1 I...we were just telling this thief to stop hanging around the academy. Thief: I was *trying* to get these berks to let me in so I can tell you where your missing soldier is. Marge: You've seen one of our soldiers? Thief: Yeah, he got petrified by a mage in a warehouse. Marge: You two! Let erm...whats your name? Thief: My names Alora. Marge: Right, let her in. The guards roll their eyes but eventually move out of the way and let Alora in. Marge then starts asking her questions. Marge: So what did this man look like? Alora: He was human. About 6' tall real fat ass...well a big guy anyway and he had this weird green plate armour and a big two handed sword. Marge realises this sounds a *lot* like Homer and grabs Alora by the shoulders. Marge: Did he have a bald head and stubble? Alora: Erm...I think so, can you let go of me now? Marge: Sorry its just that...it sounds like my husband... Alora: Oh I see, you know I can show you where he is if you want. Marge: There's no need we can search there, we'll find him. Alora: No! Wait, there's something you should know. That guys planted some sort of bomb in there, you can't let them know your coming or they'll set it off... Marge: Bomb? Does it have a gem in it? Alora: Erm...sort of..not in it next to it. By this point Bart has overheard and is standing around behind Marge. Bart: Awww s**t...Homer's sitting next to the bomb isn't he? Marge: It looks like it. Alora: Who's that, one of the militia? Marge: He's my son, Bart. Alora: But hes not an el..oh I see. Right well anyway I'm out of here now. I've told you everything you need to know, and I'm not going anywhere near that place or that crazy mage again. Marge: No you can't...we need to find out as much as possible about this, what where you doing there in the first place anyway? Alora: I..um..well, look I'll tell you everything I know if you don't ask about that ok? Marge: Oh all right, follow me. INT - GENERALS OFFICE - DAY Alora is standing in front of the generals desk explaining to him what she knows, Marge and Jaris are standing in the background. Gen Colins: Let me get this straight you have totally by accident discovered the location of one of our missing soldiers AND the "bomb" that has been constructed by these terrorists? Alora: Yes, if you send some soldiers there you'll find it. Gen Colins: I don't doubt that, but how do I know this isn't a trap? You could be working for the bandits for all we know. Alora: I already told you I'm not working for anybody I'm...unemployed at the moment. The general gives Alora a funny look before responding. Gen Colins: Yes well we don't have time to pry into your work habits right now. You've been very helpful, if you don't mind I'd like to speak to my officers alone. Alora: Yeah fine with me, I'll be around if you need me. Gen Colins: You'll be with the escorts I assigned you, at least for the moment anyway. Alora: Yeah, whatever...see ya. She leaves the room and two guards with plate armour and swords follow her. The general motions for Marge and Shaw to come and sit down. Gen Colins: Well as far as I'm concerned Alora is trustworthy. Marge: Then why did you stick two guards on her? Gen Colins: Just a precaution, I'd hate to see a person who got mixed up in this thing get hurt. Right anyway, as I'm sure you all know the simplest way to save Homer and disarm the bomb is to simply surround the place with militia and order them to surrender. However I don't think they would work, its highly possible they could escape using magic means and then let the bomb go off anyway. My suggestion would be to sneak a small number of troops into the hideout and then ambush them, one by one if possible. Jaris: Sir I believe I know a way to get in there without them knowing. Alora mentioned using the sewers to escape, I looked at a plan of the sewer system and there are two ladders that surface in the warehouse. We could sneak two teams in through them and they'd probably never know as long as we kept quite. Marge: She's right, this is the only way to get us in there without attracting their attention first. Gen Colins: That sounds like the only option too me, besides its not as if we have the time to waste thinking of another plan. Your dismissed, good luck and safe return. As their leaving Marge and Jaris are talking. Marge: Jaris are you going to bring your squad too? Jaris: I haven't told them yet but I have no doubt they will want to go. Any enemy of Springfield is an enemy of ours. Marge: Right I'll go and gather my team up. They get out of the office and Jaris nods at Marge and walks off to get her squad, Bart who is standing outside walks up to Marge. Bart: Well, what did the boss say? Marge: We're going to go in through the sewers and attack the hideout from inside. Bart: Sounds good to me. I'll go and get my gear... Marge: Good, go and find Milhouse, Lisa, John and Ben we need to leave as soon as possible. Bart nods and runs off to find the rest of the squad. INT - SEWER TUNNEL UNDER THE WAREHOUSE - DAY The whole squad is in position by the ladder leading up to the warehouse, Marge is checking a map. Marge: This is it, Bart call squad B and ask Jaris if their in position. Bart: Got it. He takes out a radio and talks into it for a moment. Bart: Yeah their in position, awaiting the signal. Marge: Right this is it, remember the main objective is the room down the hall past the office. We *have* to stop them setting the device off, if they do its all over. Is everyone ready? The rest of the squad nod except Milhouse. Lisa looks at him. Lisa: Milhouse! Wake up! Milhouse: Huh? Out I was just thinking about something. Bart: Hey man do me a favour, save the thinking for later after we got the bomb disarmed. Marge: Ok thats enough, were going now. Give B squad the signal. Bart shouts into the radio. Bart: Its on! ITS ON! The team climb up the ladder but when Marge reaches the top she can't open the cover. Marge: Damn! They sealed it shut! Get down. They all get off at the bottom of the ladder. Ben: Great now what? Marge: Just stand back. Marge casts a spell and a jet of fire shoots from her hands. It hits the metal cover and in seconds its melted and falls into the hole. Marge jumps back just before the red hot metal remains land next to the ladder. The other soldiers stare at Marge. Marge: Well don't just stand there, GO! They all step carefully over the molten remains of the cover and climb the ladder. Marge: Well if anyone else had a better idea I'd love to hear it. The screen switches to Bart and Ben who are first out of the hole. They move quickly away and hide behind some crates. The rest of the team soon follow and Marge is last to emerge. They all make their way across the dark space of the warehouse until they come to a pile of crates nearer to the office and the corridor that lead to the smaller storage rooms. Marge raises her hand to signal them to stop. Marge: Did anyone else hear that? Lisa: Yeah. Milhouse: Nope. Bart: Yup. Ben: No. John: What? Marge: People moving about, at least 5...hang on. Marge ducks around the corner of a crate the view switches to her point of view, she is using her infravision. 8 guards can be seen standing guard near the entrance 4 more are in the office. She quickly pulls back although they are unlikely to see her in the shadows surrounding the crates. Marge: Theres 12 guards out there, 4 in the office 8 on guard by the door. Lisa: We can't attack them like that, what if one of them gets away and makes for the bomb? Just then Barts radio flashes a light. He whispers into it. Bart: Yo Jaris. Yeah we're behind the pile of crates near the office. He puts the radio down and turns to Marge. Bart: The other squads nearly here, they've just entered this side of the warehouse. Marge: Tell them to get over the other side, we'll hit them with a crossfire and charge them at the same time. Have they still got those exploding arrows? Bart gets back on the radio. Bart: Hang on. Yeah they haven't used any yet. Marge: Good, tell them to report in when they arrive. They go on my signal. Bart: Heh guys when you get there give us a call will ya. Right. Their nearly there. Marge nods and they wait in silence for what seems like several minutes until the light on Bart's radio lights up. Bart: You in there? We're good to go. Marge: On 3, 1...2...3... Bart: Go! Marge: Go! They there is a brief arrow noise from the other side of the warehouse and then 4 exploding arrows land on and near the entrance killing or KOing the guards. One guy rushes out of the office but flame arrows from Marge and John nail him before he can get through the entrance. Meanwhile Milhouse, Ben and Lisa are running towards the entrance. As they reach it 4 more arrows land on the office blowing it sky high and killing the last of the guards who are still trying to shoot back with crossbows. A few burning pieces of wood land near the trio as they run into the entrance. Ben: I guess thats the end of those guards, I just hope there isn't one in the bombs room. Milhouse: Just keep running. Just then loud footsteps can be herd over the few background screams as the snipers finish off the last few injured bandits with normal arrows. Lisa: Whats that? Milhouse: That! Milhouse points to a figure whos just turned the corner, hes *very* tall at least 8', carries a large sword and is dressed in some kind of mage robe. He looks very much like an ogre and speaks in deep malevolent tones. Ogre: Hhahahah you may have defeated my men but I shall have your heads. Know my name is Ugro before I slay you. He immediately casts a spell and fires a globe of glowing energy at Milhouse who is stunned by it. Ben takes this opportunity and flys at him with his sword. Urgo simply swats him away with his empty left hand, Ben bounces off the wall and struggles to get up. Lisa does a double take at Milhouse and then moves towards Urgo leading with her shield, he makes two powerful attacks but she blocks them the second one causes him to stumble forward somewhat and Lisa takes full advantage by slashing him in the leg. Ugro: Arrrg! It burn, you burn my leg. I KILL YOU! By this time Ben is up again and moves across behind Lisa as Ugro comes in with a series of sword strikes one after the other, she just about manages to block and deflect them all except the last one which knocks her back a several feet. Ben jumps out of the way as Lisa skids backwards past him and Milhouse suddenly recovers from being stunned. Milhouse: No! Lisa! Ben! As Urgo advances on Ben and Lisa who quickly jumps to her feet. Milhouse suddenly has a moment of inspiration and throws his axe at Urgo who is focused on Ben and Lisa. The Ogre looks up just in time to see its about to hit him in the forehead. As it does his eyes follow it and he stops moving before falling over backwards as his eyes roll back completely. The three militia just stand there and stare for a moment then Lisa turns to Milhouse. Lisa: Did you actually mean to do that? Milhouse: Um..yeah I meant it. They stare at each other for a moment. Then Ben speaks up. Ben: I hate to interrupt this little victory party but Don't we still have a bomb to disarm? Milhouse: Hang on! I just need to get my axe. Milhouse runs over to the corpse and has to climb on the body to retrieve his axe as he does Marge's voice can be herd in the background. Marge: Heh! Are you three ok? Lisa: We're fine, just a little Ogre trouble. Milhouse: Although little would be something of a contradiction. Ben: I'm fine apart from a few bruises. Marge: Ok, you 3 go ahead and disarm the bomb if you can I'll make sure the others are right behind you. They all nod and run off down the corridors until they come to a junction. Milhouse: Which way is it? Lisa: Hmm..right..its to the right. Come on! Lisa runs off down the corridor, Ben and Milhouse just shrug their shoulders and follow her. They arrive at a room with a heavy wooden door. Lisa trys the door. Lisa: Damn its locked. Wheres Bart when you need him? Ben: Well hes not here, we'll just have to break it down. That thing could go off any minute. Milhouse: What if the doors trapped? If we break it down we might set the bomb off anyway. Lisa: Milhouse is right, we can't just kick the door in. Its too dangerous. Ben: Fine, I'll just give your bro a call. Ben gets out his radio and stares at it for a second, he then presses a button on it and frowns. Ben: Damn things dead, I must have broke it when that big Ogre dude hit me against the wall. Anyone else got one? Lisa and Milhouse both shake their heads. Ben: Great, now what are we gonna do? Just then Bart skids around the corner nearby followed by a crash and the sound of heavy footsteps behind him. He spots the guys and stop just in front of them a bit out of breath. Bart: Guys you gotta help me, there's some big crazy thing trying to kill me. I can't hurt it with my arrows or my sword, its like some sort of mutant gingerbread man! The 3 militia look at Bart strangely for a few seconds until Lisa realises what Bart is talking about. Lisa: Oh no! A golem! Bart did that thing just absorb your arrows and sword blows? Bart: Yeah. Lisa: Uh oh, we're in trouble. Its a clay golem, they can only be hurt with blunt weapons or powerful magic weapons. Theres another crash and small pieces of plaster come crashing down from the ceiling. Milhouse: Er..guys I think don't think we have time to talk anymore. They turn around and see the golem standing there as if in a trance suddenly it brings down a huge fist and trys to crush Bart but he jumps out of the way and instead it smashes a hole in the floor. Bart: Great now what am I gonna do? Lisa: Just try and get that door open, we'll deal with this. Milhouse and Lisa look around nervously trying to think of a way to bring it down Ben puts his sword away and takes a shiny silver hammer out of his backpack. Milhouse: I'll distract it, you two kick its butt. Milhouse runs towards it and dives between its legs just as its fists are about to crush him. It turns around and prepares to take another swing at him. Ben: Now! This is our only chance, go! Ben and Lisa move in behind the golem and strike it on its legs with there weapons, its lets out a deep rumbling sound and trips over its legs heavily damaged. However although its immobilised it is not dead and it lifts itself up on its arms and trys to crush Ben against the wall. Lisa: Look out! Ben: Damn it... Ben manages to avoid the golems fist but he is so close the rubble from the wall falls on him and traps him under it. The golems arm is all so trapped as it appears to have put its fist through the wall into the next room. It is struggling to remove its arm form the hole, Lisa runs over to Ben. Lisa: Ben! Are you ok? Ben: Never better, look forget about me. You've gotta kill that golem before he gets his hand free or we're all dead. Lisa stares at the golem for a moment. Lisa: Of course! The head! She runs up to the golems arm climbs onto it and climbs up to the its shoulders, it is unable to do anything about this as its legs are gone and its hand thats not trapped it holding it up off the floor. Lisa: This is for hurting my friend! She drives her sword deep into the golems head and it stops moving for a moment, then there is a cracking noise and it begins to fall apart. Lisa sheaths her sword and jumps off it a moment before it disintegrates leaving many small pieces of clay everywhere. Lisa and Milhouse both run over to Ben who is still buried under the remains of the wall. They lift a few of the heavy pieces off him and he trys to stand up. Ben: Arrgg! My legs busted. I did it once before jumping out of a tree. Lisa raises an eyebrow. Lisa: Jumping out of a tree? Ben: Yeah when I was a kid John bet me $10 I couldn't jump out of the tree in my back garden without breaking my leg, I guess he won the bet. So you gonna put a splint on this or what? Milhouse: I'll do it, Lisa you go see if Bart's got that door open yet. Lisa nods and walks down the corridor back to Bart who is still trying to pick the lock. Lisa: Haven't you got it open yet? Bart: It's not that simple sis, this locks good quality. It takes time to get it just right. Just then a click it herd and Bart smiles. Bart: Well its open, the only question now is do I want to open it? Lisa: Well we don't have much time one way or the other. Bart: I'm going for it, there's no need to trap a door with a lock this good and besides only total idiots trap interior doors anyhow. Both Lisa and Bart exchange brief glances before he carefully pulls the door handle and opens the door. They both wince as the door creaks open. Bart: Uh..I think its ok... Lisa: Right lets go. They both enter the room slowly and carefully still looking for traps. They soon spot a box in the middle of the room with a timer on it reading 45 minutes, 34 seconds. Lisa: Phew at least we've got lots of time to disarm it. Bart: No we don't, I know that layout. There's no way we'll be able to stop it now, not without setting it off. Unless we just let it go off. Lisa: Wouldn't that just set the gem off? Bart: No, not here. Somewhere else. We could take it out into the desert and just let it blow. Lisa: Why not just take it away from the gem and let it explode here? Bart: Its probably packed to the brim with C4 and HMX, if we let it explode in town its gonna take a whole block out or worse. Lisa: Ok then we'll just have to move it. Heh wait a second.. Lisa spots a statue that looks just like Homer. Lisa: Bart, I think thats dad. Bart: Erm..we can change him back right? Lisa: Mom can do it later, but first we've got to get this bomb out of here! Bart takes out his radio calls the academy. Bart: Yeah thats right, I need some kind of vehicle, the faster the better. Right got it, thanks man. I got us a jeep it should be here in about 7 minutes. Lisa: We gotta get this to the entrance. Bart trys picking it up. Bart: Its too heavy for me to carry alone, you'll have to help me carry it. Lisa: Fine whatever, lets just get moving. They both grab hold of the bomb and carry it out of the room. As they jog down the corridors they pass Milhouse who is helping Ben limp to the exit. Milhouse: Heh, guys where you going with that thing? Bart: About 2km out of town probably, any more questions? Milhouse: Huh? Ben: And I thought *I* was having a bad day. Bart and Lisa get to babysit 200lb of high explosives. Milhouse: I hope they know what their doing. They eventually arrive back in the warehouse where Marge and Jaris are waiting for them. Marge: Whats going on? Bart: We're taking this thing outta town. Lisa: Bart said there's no chance to disarm it so we're going to let it explode where it will do the least damage. Marge: Good, are there any more guards about? Have you seen your father? Lisa: No the place is clear and yes Homer's in the room where the gem is. Jaris: Where did Milhouse and Ben go? Are they all right? Bart: Oh their fine, Ben just busted his ankle and Milhouse is helping him back here. Marge: Well I'm going to go and get Homer, you two make sure that things nowhere near anyone when it goes off. Bart: Got it. Bart and Lisa leave through the front door which is now guarded by two elven warriors. One of them looks at the bomb. Elven warrior: Whats that? Lisa blinks. Lisa: If you don't already know you don't want to know. Elven warrior: I see, farewell. The view changes to Bart and Lisa putting the bomb down on the sidewalk and waiting for the jeep. Bart looks at his watch. Bart: Damn it, wheres that jeep? It should be here by now. He looks down at the timer which now has 37 minutes and 49 seconds on it. Lisa: Come on, we've got to get it clear of Springfield Bart: Yeah and get clear myself. Lisa: Whats this myself? I'm coming too. Bart looks shocked. Bart: The hell you are! Lisa: Bart! It'll take both of us to handle that thing and besides I don't like the idea of leaving you alone with a bomb. Bart: I still think you should just let the driver go. Lisa frowns. Lisa: I'm not putting someone who has nothing to do with this in danger in my place, its not right. Bart: Fine, just don't blame me if you end up getting killed. Lisa folds her arms. Lisa: Fine with me. Just then a jeep comes around the corner and screeches to a halt in front of them. The driver is a young human soldier probably a new recruit, he looks about 17. Driver: Heres your ride, do you want me to... Lisa: No, just get out. We'll handle the rest. Driver: Erm..ok. He stares as Bart and Lisa load the package into the jeep and then speed off. Driver: Geez...their sure in a hurry. The view then switches Bart to and Lisa in the jeep. Bart is driving Lisa is watching the bomb. Bart: How long have we got? Lisa: 35 minutes, are we near the gate yet? Bart: Just a couple of minutes more, I'm going out south gate co's it the closest. Call ahead and get em to open the door. Lisa: I don't have a radio. Bart: Use mine. Bart throws his radio into the back and Lisa catches it and calls the gate. Lisa: Hello, I got a code 349. Yes I need those gates open now. Damnitt! I don't have time for this, we've got a bomb here! Yes open them *now*. Lisa hands the radio back to Bart. Lisa: Well I finally managed to convince them to open the gate. Bart: About time. Bart puts his foot down and the jeep speeds up. The from his point of view the wall and the gates can be seen in the distance, they huge steel gates are open. The next scene we see is the jeep speeding along a dirt road just outside Springfield. EXT - SPRINGFIELD BADLANDS - DAY The town can be seen in the distance. As the jeep pulls to a halt. Bart Gets out. Bart: How much time we got? Lisa looks at him grimly. Lisa: 10 minutes and 35 seconds. Bart: 10 min..s**t...I knew we where too slow. Come on lets get it off the jeep. Lisa nods and they both grab the bomb and place it on the ground. Without even saying anything they both jump back into the jeep with Bart in the drivers side, the jeep speeds off back down the road. Bart: Well we got about 9 minutes of running time until that thing goes off. Lisa: Great, with any luck we'll only get a bit flamed... 8 minutes and 55 seconds later... The jeep is almost halfway back in Springfield when an large explosion can be herd in the distance, there is a rumbling and Bart slams the breaks of the jeep on. They both look around and see a large cloud of smoke and then they both spot a swarm of sand and debris heading towards them. Bart: Uh oh. Lisa: Get down! They both duck as sand pieces of rocks and cactus buffet the jeep. Bart: Do you think it *was* a nuke? Lisa: No way, there's no mushroom cloud. The wind and sand quickly die down. Bart: Heh did you hear that? Lisa: Hear what? Bart jumps out of the jeep and pumps his fist. Bart: Nothing and we're still alive! Wooohooo! Hey do you think this thing will still run? Lisa: I dunno, try it. Bart trys the ignition several times and the jeep refuses to start. Bart: Oh great now we gotta walk back, theres always something... Lisa: Bart! We could have been killed and your moaning about having to walk back! Your unbelievable! They both start walking back towards the town, as the continue to walk they can still be herd arguing. Bart: Well at least I didn't wait until there was only ten minutes left to drop the bomb off. Lisa: We needed to get it away from the town! Bart: Ok but do you think their gonna charge us for that jeep? Lisa: How should I know? Bart: You always know stuff like that... The view switches to the room where Homer was being held. INT - ABANDONED WAREHOUSE SPRINGFIELD - DAY Marge is looking closely at the "stoned" Homer. Jaris is standing beside her. Jaris: Well aren't you going to change him back to normal? Marge: I was just making sure this *is* Homer. I guess I've been in denial. Why would someone do this anyway? Why not just kill him? Jaris: Change him back and maybe he'll tell you. Marge: Maybe? Jaris: Well without being offensive your husband isn't exactly a sage. Marge: Well here goes nothing. Marge begins to case a spell and as she completes it Homer returns to normal. Homer: Huh? Wha? Uh my head...I need a medic. He sees Marge and staggers towards her, she grabs him to stop him falling over. Marge: Homer! What did they do to you? Did they torture you? Homer: No, this is just what Gordon did to me when I cut him. Argg... Homer falls to the floor as Marge can't quite hold him. Marge: Here drink this. Marge hands Homer a bright blue potion which he just about manages to drink with Marge's help. As soon as he drinks it his wounds begin to heal somewhat although he is still badly hurt. Homer: I take it you won then, you got rid of the bomb. Marge: Well Bart and Lisa had to take it into the desert because it couldn't be disarmed. Homer: Are they ok? Marge: I..I'm not sure, don't worry.. Homer hands Marge his radio. Homer: Just call Bart and ask him. Jaris: I think we should get you to a healer first, your wounds are many. Even if they aren't as bad as they where. Homer: I'm fine, I just need to know if my kids are ok. Marge: Ok Homey I'll call him. Marge puts the radio to her ear and speaks into it. After a few seconds she smiles. Marge: So your ok then? The blast didn't reach the town did it? Good. Homer their fine, the jeeps broken down though. Homer: Jeep? Never mind, as long as their ok thats what matters. Jaris: Now we'd better get you back to the academy or a hospital... Marge: Hang on, I'll call for an medevac. Homer stands up at this point. Homer: No thers no need, I'm fine. I just need one hell of a long rest. He begins to walk out of the room but stumbles and Marge has to help him to his feet. Marge look around and is about to say something to Jaris when she speaks first. Jaris: You go, I'll stay here and guard the gem until it can be removed. Marge: Thanks. Homer with Marge's help makes his way out of the room. EXT - JUST OUTSIDE SPRINGFIELD - DUSK Bart and Lisa are still walking back from the jeep and are just about to reach the perimeter wall of the town. Lisa turns around and stops. Bart stops and stares at her. Bart: What are you staring at? Lisa: The sunset. You know for a while there I didn't think I'd live to see another one. Bart: Yeah its pretty cool. Lisa frowns and turns to face Bart suddenly. Lisa: Cool? Is that the best word you can find to describe that? Bart: Hey, what? Lisa rolls her eyes and sighs. Lisa: Never mind. She resumes the walk towards the walls and Bart follows her. Just then the sun finally sets and it goes dark, neither Bart, Lisa or the walls can be seen. Bart: Oh great, now how are we going to find the gate? Lisa: Keep walking in a straight line. Bart: Have you got a flashlight? Lisa: No. The keep walking for a few more seconds until the sound of metal being hit is herd. Bart: Owww! Lisa, I think I found the gate. Lisa: Bart are you ok? Bart: As long as someone opens it. The End. Credits roll ect.