Bart

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[D.B.]

(EDIT: edited to remove errors pointed out by Chris and Alex)

Dante was guided by Virgil. Frodo by Gollum. So you will be guided by the three golden rules of writing Bart, carved in stone (well, a text file) and brought down from on high...


Golden Rule 1 – Bart’s sometimes so wrapped up with being Bart, he fails to properly visualise the consequences of his actions.

Golden Rule 2 – Bart’s conscience only kicks in when (or after) he actually sees someone in distress.

Golden Rule 3 – He’s only a ten year old kid![/b]


Let us consider their implications more closely…

    “We’re fictional characters in a TV show? Cool!”

Bart thinks he’s the star of the show.

If you really want to see this in action, go watch ‘Bart the Daredevil’. Notice how Bart immediately begins to try and jump over the car on his skateboard after seeing Lance Murdoch, without once taking a step back and wondering if he’ll make it or not – as far as he’s concerned, he will. He’s the star, right? Even after failing at this, he goes on to try and jump Springfield gorge, again without spending even a moment pondering whether it’s possible, wrapped up in his own little fantasy. As far as he’s concerned nothing bad’s gonna happen, because nothing bad ever happens to the star of the show on TV. Just like we don’t see them sitting for hours doing homework, or tidying up their rooms, or eating their vegetables. And of course, on TV, the main character is never stuck for a smart comeback.

This is a major facet of the first golden rule. No, this is the first rule. Bart sees the cool aspects of his actions, the melodrama a TV show would include, but gets carried away and fails to notice the other, practical implications that TV glosses over. He assumes these things will work out okay on their own to a greater degree than others. You, therefore, as the writer, need to not be afraid to embrace this. Live for the moment, have supreme confidence in yourself, be the McBains and Radioactiveman’s of this world when putting yourself in his shoes. And if things aren’t living up to Bart’s idea of life, why, have him try and change them. Liven things up. Be the complete anathema to Marge’s love of convention, order and routine.

Above all, allow this mode of thought to permeate almost everything he does.

    Note 1) The world is not quite like Bart envisages. Writing realistic consequences to typical cartoon situation has produced some excellent episodes (I will again point to Bart the Daredevil here).

    Note 2) Don’t forget that Bart doesn’t always take too well to other people getting attention (the cameras should, after all, be on him). When this is the case he’s liable to try and draw it back to himself, usually by acting the clown. The most obvious and frequent examples come with him and Lisa jockeying for attention (the situation made worse by the fact she’s his sister, and therefore a rival for his parent’s affection). Again, conclusions are easy to draw, but make efforts to keep this in mind whenever writing Bart – it can be easy to get distracted.




    Chief justice? Me?

Bart isn’t dumb. He just can’t apply himself to things which bore him. Or to put it another way his energy levels are too high, to the point of hyperactivity (depending on the season you’re watching).

Note the first qualifier in the above paragraph – “things which bore him”. If he’s keen on doing something he can do better than most of us tend to imagine. Think Dead Putting Society. His campaign to become class president. The fact that that in one of the only bonafide glimpses into the Simpson’s future shows him as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. The principal butthead weather balloon. His ability to make amusing anagrams, which would probably rival Lisa’s. All pretty impressive for an ‘underachiever’.

In general your job in this area is easy – Bart finds most things dull. Homeworks coming in late, tests skipped, ‘kick me’ notes on teacher’s backs… these are all things which should come naturally to someone wanting to write about Bart. Indeed, if you find yourself not writing any such things in fics where Bart features heavily, it might be an idea to step back and ask yourself why, and make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons (just as it might be wise to, say, when writing a lot about Lisa, pause if you discover you’ve never once mentioned her saxophone – not all stories about Lisa have to, but the majority do, and for a reason).

Trickier comes instances where you want Bart to work diligently at something while keeping him in character. The best rule of thumb I’ve found to justify this is that he has to gain some kind of instantaneous, or very near instantaneous, benefit (golden rule 1 – he’s wrapped up being Bart, and Bart doesn’t sit working at dull stuff for hours on end like his dorky little sister. He sees results!). So in Lisa’s Substitue he got to stand in front of people, shout about things, and make Martin look small while campaigning for president. In Dead Putting Society, note the scene where Bart pots the ball with one shot following Lisa’s help (and is impressed and pleased by this) preceeds his change from practising because Homer is pressurising him to, to self motivated practise. The latter is quite a subtle example, and shows you don’t have to go overboard with a heavy handed ‘this is fun’ scene from Bart – just a well thought out token will do.

An excellent example of where he was unable to keep his nose to the grindstone is his attempt to save up enough to buy Radioactive Man issue 1. Stop and think about how big a prize that is to Bart. The very first edition of Radioactive Man. But look at how he gave up trying to earn enough money to buy it after only a week. A horrible week, yes, but still only a week. He tried working, it didn’t work first time, and he dismissed all further attempts at the same. Bart Gets an F is another case. It may appear that Bart manages to study by the way he stayed on during the snow day, but notice we never actually see a scene where he’s sitting learning stuff. Most of the time it’s him trying to make himself study (except he keeps imagining the founding fathers going out to play in the snow, or slapping himself, etc). All the above are good things to rewatch if you’re planning to write anything which involves Bart and any kind of goal he has to work towards.

Another point that arises from Bart’s small attention span is it’s worth stopping every so often during a scene and examining it from Bart’s perspective. Is he still going to be interested, and if not how is he reacting? This is a particularly good thing to do during important scenes where Bart is just an onlooker, when your attention will naturally be turned away from such incidental details. If you decide to have him react you don’t need to do much, particularly if you’re worried it may draw attention away from what should be the reader’s focus – but even a single smart-alec line or a facial expression thrown in somewhere will help keep the reader reassured that this is Bart, and not generic-ten-year-old-boy. With any serious scenes you intend to write where Bart is the focus, it’s pretty much a judgement call up to you as to whether he will be treating them with the gravity they deserve (and whether or not he will continue to do that throughout their duration).

[D.B.]

    Geeze, why do sisters have to be so mopey?

Bart’s generally a happy individual. As long as he’s got teachers to mock and squishiees are affordable, he’s content. So write him as such. Existential angst is something of a no-no, but you probably knew that already. More important is keeping in mind that he may not be as perceptive to the idea that others may suffer from such things as you or I – he rarely is troubled by things at anything more than an immediate level, and so finds it harder to put himself in the shoes of others for whom this might not be true.

As such, when other people are upset we revert to the second rule. “Bart’s conscience only kicks in when (or after) he actually sees someone in distress”.  The hardest part here is deciding when exactly someone counts as being ‘in distress’? Embarrassing Skinner in front of Chalmers is probably not going to count, but getting him fired will do. Scaring Lisa with a spider won’t count, nor will swapping her flag with a joke flag in Bart vs. Lisa vs. 3rd grade. Seeing her about to give up on The Eliminator, however, will.

In general, we need some plain, visible sign. For example, in Bart vs. Thanksgiving it’s making Lisa cry that results in Bart genuinely apologising. In The Secret War of Lisa Simpson, it was the prospect of seeing his sister give up and fall right now that resulted in Bart plucking up the courage to go against his peers. Then there’s Bart the Lover, where it’s only once he sees Mrs Krabapple crying after being stood up that he realises he was ‘partially to blame’. In Marge Be Not Proud we have little signs supporting this –Bart is largely unaffected by his parent’s anger at him shoplifting, until Lisa compares Marge to the bathroom rug (in the sense that she soaks up everything) and Bart begins to see evidence of this in his mother’s behaviour.

This gives you quite a nice tool to use when writing – put simply, if you want Bart to feel sorry for something/someone, having him see them upset is basically a sure fire way. Note that people being angry at him does not count under (nearly) any circumstance. When people are angry he’ll do his best to worm out of it, deflect the blame, or feign remorse. He won’t actually worry or feel bad about it[A].Note also that I’ve made no mention of when exactly Bart will feel sorry for them. Remember the first rule – Bart’s busy being Bart. There may be a delay while his morals overcome this (Bart vs. Thanksgiving, Bart’s too busy casting himself as the victim to feel sorry for Lisa, until she makes him go back and re-examine events. Secret War of Lisa Simpson, Bart knew his sister was upset but couldn’t buck the peer pressure and support her till right to the end). Cunning authors may use this to their advantage .

    Note 1) With the second rule, the door swings both ways. When Bart himself is the one who’s upset at some fundamental level, he’s very liable to deny it for as long as possible. Notice how long it took him to seek his parent’s help in Bart the General. Now compare that to Lisa in Bye Bye Nerdy, who sought advice almost immediately. Bart buries negative emotions, puts on the best outer show of manliness he can. This is far from news – I doubt you were planning on writing him as a weepy individual, or someone who writes depressing poetry (if you were, you’re either a genius with a plan, or in need of more help than I can give). What requires more thought is how is he going to go about ignoring said emotions? He may need a distraction to get his mind off it. He may also need a way to vent these feelings without acknowledging them (I know I’ve quoted Bart vs. Thanksgiving a lot, but doesn’t Bart’s running away following his burning Lisa’s centrepiece make perfect sense if he’s trying to ignore his sense of guilt, and does so by blaming everyone else for it?), though these are far from prerequisite. All I’m saying is he’s not good at dealing with feeling bad, and will probably deny it. Keep this in mind.



   “Hey it’s Bart! And he’s doing stuff!”

Bart has good, but shallow, interpersonal skill. Shallow is an important point there – most of his acquaintances are somewhat superficial. He’s good at getting laughs and entertaining people, and is an easy person to get on with for most kids his age, but quite often this is as far as their friendship will go. They therefore tend to lack some of the depth and closeness that Lisa’s, for example, will be based upon. Even with Milhouse, his best friend, we’ve seen him behave quite thoughtlessly to get his own way on occasion - Samantha Stanky[C] and Bonestorm, for example, and vice versa with Milhouse (think Bart’s soul).

Again, conclusions are easy to draw here. When things are going well, Bart’s going to be popular, and when things are ill, he’s suddenly going to find people abandoning him. In some ways it’s easier to think of most of his contempories as an audience rather than friends – an audience may be spellbound by an actor’s performance, but not necessarily care too much about the actor himself.

More subtly, the nature of Bart’s approachability is based on his self confidence, which brings with it an assertiveness. He’s unafraid of voicing his views, and is not inclined to sit and debate them before yelling them out (it’s doing this, after all, that’s partly responsible for his popularity). Think his campaign in Lisa’s Substitute – more asbestos! “He acts before he thinks, if he thinks at all,” is not a bad maxim to keep in mind.

    Note 1) A social environment is also the only one in which Bart tends to be competitive. The rest of the time he’s more concerned with whether he’s enjoying what he’s doing. As such, he’s a flop academically (no fun and not cool), doesn’t really care about peewee football (until his father’s actions make him unpopular), voluntarily draws in both Lisa on Ice and Dead Putting Society, etc...

This is a good thing. It means you can almost pick and choose when you want Bart to be competitive, simply by making him think he will somehow lose face (classmates laughing at rather than with him, his parents being openly proud of Lisa, etc…) if he doesn’t win. Note though that I say almost. Bart’s interested in everyone listening to him, paying him attention. If he can find a way to not go to the effort of actually winning at something, while managing to do that, he will. Be wary of having him pass up such opportunities.



    Pfft – families, who needs them?

It’s probably worth taking a brief look at how Bart specifically interacts with close family members.

I mean it when I say brief. One could write pages on this topic if one wanted to. But much of it is obvious to the diligent viewer. All I’m going to do here, then, is sum up as best I can what I think to be the very core of each relationship, the very minimum I try to keep in mind. For the rest you’re on your own.

    Bart and Marge;

Bart’s behaviour towards his mother is probably the most consistent of anyone. Bart cares a lot for her, full stop. Sometimes he does things which upset her, true, but very rarely is this the goal of his actions (more of an unforeseen side effect). I can never imagine Bart tattooing ‘wide load’ on Marge’s backside. Can you? And would you have laughed if he had?

Marge is the one person who is never the butt of Bart’s jokes – rather a bystander who sometimes gets caught in the blast. The second rule counts double for her. To a degree, she even breaks the first rule - Bart is less wrapped up in himself, and thinks ahead more when it comes to his mother’s feelings. He’s also more likely to do things he doesn’t really like if Marge asks him than anyone else, and more likely to try and stick to it.

    Bart and Lisa;

Bart’s feelings towards Lisa are, I think, almost entirely summed up in ‘Moaning Lisa’, where Marge asks him if he loves his sister – to which Bart replies that everyone knows the answer to that, but he doesn’t want to say it out loud.

I think this says almost everything you need to know. Bottom line is Bart does love his sister, but feels it would be uncool/not macho/just plain uncomfortable to openly express this. The majority of the time he’s happier bugging Lisa, which involves being annoying/teasing her/hiding her stuff. In Bart vs. Thanksgiving, Lisa proclaims that some of this is due to territorial instincts, and that’s not a bad thing to work from. As far as Bart is concerned he’s number one with his mom and dad (first rule – he’s the star, they should be praising him while Lisa backs them up), and is keen to protect that position, and as it were stay ‘above’ Lisa. Note he’s never malicious in all this. He just wishes (or at least believes he wishes) Lisa would stay in her ‘place’, a little like Milhouse.

    Bart and Homer;

Bart and Homer are the two most alike individuals in the Simpson household. So it’s no real surprise that they’re at each other’s necks so often. At the same time, though, it’s rare to see Bart show any actual dislike towards his father. This most commonly occurs when Homer’s let him down in some way (think the soapbox race, or Saturdays of Thunder). In these situations, you as the writer are pretty free to decide whether Bart will just shrug it off, or take it to heart. And if Bart takes it to heart, you’ve potentially got the meat of most of an episode undoing the damage.

And please, take later episodes where Homer’s constantly strangling Bart with little salt. Most of the Bart/Homer episodes that have stood the test of time are the ones where this doesn’t really happen. Step back, try to find something more interesting in how they interact. And keep in mind who Bart chose to write about when he had to do an essay on his hero for school.

[D.B.]

    “Mom – you can hug me when I’m asleep!”

Thus far a lot has been said of rules one and two. This is because they are the things which tend to set Bart apart from the crowd, the things which are quintessentially him. But for every ying there must be a yang, and you’ve got to maintain this balance or you’ll end up with a caricature instead of a character. That’s right – the until-now-barely-mentioned rule three.

It’s also the most nebulous rule. After all, how can we set down rules for how a ten year old boy behaves?

My advice here, I’m afraid, is to go do some research. If I were able to give you definitive rules on how to write characters of this age, I would be publishing them instead of posting them on the net . Go read books involving characters of about Bart/Lisa’s age [D]. Aim for ones which people like not because of plot, but because of characterisation – that is, after all, what you’re interested in. And go re-watch some of the earlier episode too, to try and remind you of how Bart behaved in the early days. I particularly advise early seasons here, as one complaint I’ve heard from several different sources about some of the more recent episodes is that Bart and Lisa behave too much like mini adults.

If you really want me to give some concrete advice here, naivety is one area I will wholeheartedly advise you to keep in mind. Ten is an interesting age – you probably know a lot about the world, but understand rather less of it. Thus you draw your own conclusions to explain what’s going on. Remember Milhouse talking about how when you sneeze it’s your soul trying to escape, and you have to cram it back in? Okay, it’s not a line by Bart, but it’s a wonderful example. Even more recently, when Bart converted his tree house a la the Playboy mansion, we heard the line “Then we can have orgies – whatever they are”. He’s unaware of the word’s meaning, but has picked up that it’s a “desirable” thing (for want of a better word ) and has carried on in his train of thought from this point. Another of my favourite quotations is: “The birds are singing, the bees are trying to have sex with them… as is my understanding”. Doing this kind of thing well is arguably a tricky task, giving you guidance on when you should try and do it even harder, but if you can get it right you’re bound to come up with some great lines/moments.[E]



    Golden Rule 4

Have fun.

Bart should be an enjoyable character to write. He gets to do all the stuff you wish you could have done at his age – he’s popular, never stuck for a witty comeback, and gets to defeat sideshow bob on a regular basis. If most of the time you’re writing about him you’re having fun, chances are you’re doing something right. Keep it light, leave the big thoughts to Lisa, and the worrying about who’s going to tidy up later to Marge.

Good luck.












[A]This can be accounted for with Bart’s desire for attention. When someone’s shouting at him he’s the centre of attention, and this is something he likes (not to suggest, however, that he likes being shouted at. Just the pros go further towards outweighing the cons for him than most people, and he can therefore take it in his stride). When someone’s upset because of him, however, they’re focused on something else other than him – hence he’s got less to distract him from picking up on how they’re feeling.

[ B] Notice I said fundamental level. If he’s been told to go tidy his room, do some gardening, or help Marge with the shopping, and can’t be bothered, he’ll let everyone around know how he feels about that.

[C]Bart’s breaking up Milhouse and Samantha is an interesting case – there it was the very fact he valued Milhouse’s friendship above Milhouse’s happiness that precipitated the event. This is a pretty selfish way to behave with your best friend. Similarly, note that it was Lisa rather than Milhouse who was willing to give Bart his soul back for free, indicating that the way Milhouse cares for Bart is maybe not as selfless as the way Lisa does. Which is an interesting dynamic, given that on a day to day basis Bart tends to choose Milhouse’s company over Lisa’s. It also highlights how Bart and Milhouse may have more in common, but Bart and Lisa probably care about one another more.

[D] Be wary of any book where someone of this age is the main character or hero, especially ones aimed at a younger audience. Chances are these books will contain scenes few ‘real life’ ten year olds will have ever faced, and as such said character(s) will be shaped differently to most kids as the story progresses (or at least, they should be if the author is doing their job properly). Save these for when writing something involving Sideshow Bob.

[E] While we’re on the subject, a pet peeve of mine; on too many occasions I’ve read fics where Bart uses language which would make a sailor blush. Generally as soon as I find this I resign myself to the fact that the rest of the story is probably not going to be worth my time. Generally I’m right.
The worst words Bart knows on the show are hell, damn, and maybe fart. You need a cast iron reason to break this rule. Anyone who finds this to be a contentious / surprising statement needs to go back and really re-examine who they think Bart is.

[Wilde Grey Yonder]

I can't poke any holes in this. Excellent analysis of Bart, and the most literary thing I've read in a while.  Particularly your going into his exhibitionist behaviour is praiseworthy.

Only a few factual nitpicks:

-In your first post, you seem to refer to "Lisa's Rival" as the episode in which Bart runs for class president.

-The episode where Bart shoplifted is "Marge Be Not Proud", not "Bart the Mother".

EDIT: Changed now. Good!

I must say, I haven't read any fics where Bart swears a lot (or if I have, I've wiped them from my mind). However, while at the subject of mischaracterisation, I must reinforce my own pet peeve of Bart's characterisation. Bart is not stupid. Like his sisters, he has a quite remarkable brain, he just doesn't use it the way his elders want him to.

I feel like writing more about Bart now.