Review: "Evolution Revolution"

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Gulliver63
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Review: "Evolution Revolution"

Postby Gulliver63 » Tue Aug 28, 2012 2:05 am

Have you ever written a story that you didn't know what to do with? I have had this story on my zip drive for nearly 5 months. When I saw that picture of Leela as a fish in the finale, I knew I had to blow the dust off of my story and share it with the class. This story had its origins in a joke that I had with my late friend Bobby Whittlow about what God's office might look like...Bobby, you are sorely missed. It also owes a lot to my buddy at work Robert Stewart, who loves debating people on Evolution. While the story doesn't get preachy, it does have a bit of fun with the subject. While you won't get any revelations from my tale, you will get lots of corny humor and a few chuckles here and there. I did throw in one extra homage; Aqueduct Racetrack, that I mention near the end of the story, stands right next to my father's childhood home in Queens, NY. That being said, go out there and enjoy a good chuckle.
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"I always remember an epitaph which is in the cemetery at Tombstone, Arizona. It says: 'Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damnedest.' I think that is the greatest epitaph a man can have - When he gives everything that is in him to do the job he has before him. That is all you can ask of him and that is what I have tried to do."
Harry S Truman

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Re: Review: "Evolution Revolution"

Postby Lisabella » Sat Sep 01, 2012 10:30 am

Corny, but in the best of ways, Gulliver. gorgeous!
Now known as Lisabella! (Or Missy.  Missy's good.)

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Crack!Fic, The Marge Simpson Way: "Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc.  They got married and lived in a spaceship.  The end." - Tales from the Public Domain, "Hot Child In The City"

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Gulliver63
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Re: Review: "Evolution Revolution"

Postby Gulliver63 » Sat Sep 01, 2012 7:01 pm

Thanks! Can you believe that I didn't think it was good enough to release? It was short, but a lot of fun to write. The sugar cube gag is my absolute favorite in the piece.
"I always remember an epitaph which is in the cemetery at Tombstone, Arizona. It says: 'Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damnedest.' I think that is the greatest epitaph a man can have - When he gives everything that is in him to do the job he has before him. That is all you can ask of him and that is what I have tried to do."
Harry S Truman

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Just Chris
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Re: Review: "Evolution Revolution"

Postby Just Chris » Fri Sep 28, 2012 10:26 pm

Typoes: "Anyway. it's me..." is obviously missing a capital I; "Yes, ma'am..I am" needs an extra period; "your good" should be "you're good"; "all she could really do is just think" should have "was" instead of "is".

The title is very nice, and while there isn't a great deal of plot momentum, the set-up does make for a nice problem and a lot of comedy. The jokes are by far the best part of this fic: I loved Fry's initial conversation with Noreen, and there's plenty of other great jokes as well (Fry's "paycheck" line, for instance, and his wanting sugar cubes). The various cast members' new bodies made for a plethora of funny problems and opportunities, and I like the idea of
Spoiler


Characterisation is very good. Fry is very sweet in particular, and it's nice to have a story that focuses on the Professor.

The writing is decent and flows well, though it feels a bit dialogue-heavy. I felt that you could do with more description in the scene where they find Zoidberg: what you have gets the events across, but a more pointed description could have made it even funnier.

Unfortunately, there are a few downsides. Firstly, this is just personal taste, but I think the whole idea is a bit silly, and the science is unusually weird, even for Futurama. Also, I never liked the idea of there being creationists in the 31st century, but that's a quibble with the show, not you. (Plus, this may be a bit of a low blow, but it feels weird to make fun of creationism for being pseudo-science in a story where radiation causes people to mutate into different other species overnight. On the other hand, maybe that was the joke.)

Also, like I said, the plot is rather slow, and there doesn't seem to be a lot of urgency to bring the characters back. It felt pretty tense when Leela mentioned that she was starting to forget what it's like being a human, but that plot element never got a chance to drive the plot.

Extremely minor quibble, but Amy seems to feel remorse for what she did in the café a bit too quickly.

Then there's the Professor's dream at the end... I don't know what to say. It wasn't overly preachy, and it could have been a lot worse, but it just felt a bit uncharacteristic for Futurama. I do rather like the fact that
Spoiler
but it still didn't feel like a satisfactory way to solve the problem. A bit of a, dare I say it, deus ex machina.

All in all, some brilliant jokes and very nice characterisation, but some problems that made me enjoy it less than the vast majority of your fics. B-
It does not matter who I am. What matters is, who will you become?

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Gulliver63
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Re: Review: "Evolution Revolution"

Postby Gulliver63 » Sat Sep 29, 2012 12:44 am

Thanks for the great comments...I'm glad that people enjoy these stories. I've got a few more to send out the door, and then I'd like to start writing something else for a while. You brought up a good point about the story...I literally sat on this thing for nearly four months, not thinking it was good enough. When I found out about the "animal" episode, I had to launch this story. I tried not to be to preachy, and I'm always conscious of where that line is; still, that whole thing started as a joke with my friend over what that office might look like, and what a visit there might encompass.
Description...there is that bugaboo that follows me in every story. I think I've licked it in my upcoming story, "Parabox Express," in which I literally re-visit some of my first Futurama story ideas. One of the things that I've always been glad about is that you are specific in my needy areas - I'll have to experiment more in this area. I've got about three more stories baking in the oven, and I'm still trying to finish a Venture Brothers story. Thanks again. :fry
"I always remember an epitaph which is in the cemetery at Tombstone, Arizona. It says: 'Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damnedest.' I think that is the greatest epitaph a man can have - When he gives everything that is in him to do the job he has before him. That is all you can ask of him and that is what I have tried to do."
Harry S Truman


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