Review: "Parabox Express"

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Gulliver63
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Review: "Parabox Express"

Postby Gulliver63 » Wed Oct 10, 2012 11:40 am

As I glanced over my writing projects the other day, I realized that I'd been writing Futurama stories for three years this winter. While the first couple of them weren't that great, they did contain some cute ideas. I decided to do a story to re-visit some of these early ideas, namely having to do with the parabox episode in season four. I got to use my two favorite universes, the Gulliver universes, which I mentioned briefly in my story "While You Were Gone" where they see ships from these two places in an area of space called the Junction Box. I also mentioned an evil universe, which I get to work with a bit more here. I've tried to work a bit more on description, as this ended up being the longest story I've written to date. Nothing life changing here, just four little adventures in one story and hopefully lots of chuckles in between. Oh, and you'll also find out what an orange card is...
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"I always remember an epitaph which is in the cemetery at Tombstone, Arizona. It says: 'Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damnedest.' I think that is the greatest epitaph a man can have - When he gives everything that is in him to do the job he has before him. That is all you can ask of him and that is what I have tried to do."
Harry S Truman

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Just Chris
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Re: Review: "Parabox Express"

Postby Just Chris » Sat Nov 10, 2012 12:01 am

Typoes: "times a wasting" should be "time's a-wasting"; "what she hit" should be "what she had hit"; "what looked like crisis-torium" is missing a "the"; "as she watched the enormous eyeball move around on that gigantic, round eye" doesn't really make sense; "That would have been something to see those times" feels like it should have a comma after "see"; "grabbed a water tower off of the roof" doesn't need the "of"; "You know something,'" has an unnecessary single quote mark at the end; "why the Professor insisted on installing" should be "had insisted".

"I didn't ask you to believe in it - I just want you to deliver it.
You're missing a quotation mark at the end. Also, the start of one paragraph (the one starting "No one could ever say that John Zoidberg died without a fight!") is missing an indent.

For starters, I'm glad that you decided to revisit these ideas, because this is a pretty great concept for a story. Turns out it lives up to its promise, as well. I particularly enjoyed the Evil Universe, but pretty much all the storylines were good. The whole thing felt a lot like the show.

It's the comedy that really makes this fic shine. I don't think I've found any of your other stories as funny as this. The opening scene with Morbo is a hoot, and there are many hilarious jokes and scenes throughout. There are too many to point out, really. You have some great slapstick in the Lilliputian storyline, Amy gets some two-inch badass moves in her story, the Evil Universe is funny in its over-the-top evil, and Morbo is consistently good in all his appearances. I like the little "1984" reference, too.

Everyone seems to be in character; at least I didn't notice anyone being out of character. As for new characters, I like Evil Fry.

I frankly couldn't find many flaws in this story. It's a bit dialogue-heavy and lacking in description in places, especially on the first couple of pages, though you get a bit more descriptiveness later on, as the other universes are introduced. (And some of those descriptions are very atmospheric: I particularly like Fry's first glimpse of the alternative office.) Zoidberg's storyline felt a bit dull compared to some of the others, though the ending was sweet. (And that's not a flaw, it just shows that the others were better.) A couple of jokes felt a bit tame, but there were more than enough good ones to make up for it.

Finally, I really like your cover art for this. Excellent idea for a picture, and Leela's expression is great.

Definitely one of your funniest stories so far, with a very nice concept and several enjoyable adventures for the cast. Highly recommended. A
Last edited by Just Chris on Sat Nov 10, 2012 9:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Gulliver63
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Re: Review: "Parabox Express"

Postby Gulliver63 » Sat Nov 10, 2012 2:15 am

Thanks so much for that...now I think I know where to go in that description thingee. It's interesting to note that I decided on the colors of hair and clothing some three years ago in early pictures of the universes...now I can start hitting you with concept art from the story. I was exceptionally proud of
Spoiler
I also enjoyed writing about
Spoiler
There aren't many homages in this one, save for a couple of nifty 1984 references. Tim Conway was shrunk and ended up in a woman's purse in Disney's "World's Greatest Athlete." "Adopt, Improve, Improvise" is actually the Marine motto. Morgan barking "You might as well face me" was taken directly from a cranky Command Sergeant Major in 1981 - it was said to me ::blushes:: I haven't shared the original stories, but if you must see them, they can be found at Slurmed.com. Again, thanks for the comments during a rough week.
"I always remember an epitaph which is in the cemetery at Tombstone, Arizona. It says: 'Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damnedest.' I think that is the greatest epitaph a man can have - When he gives everything that is in him to do the job he has before him. That is all you can ask of him and that is what I have tried to do."
Harry S Truman


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