Treatment "Neverknowne"

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Gulliver63
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Treatment "Neverknowne"

Postby Gulliver63 » Wed Jan 16, 2013 11:40 pm

I wrote this at work last December, and nearly forgot about it. For a long time I've had a fantasy world called "Neverknowne" where humans share an Earth with centaurs, cyclopes and the like. It was sort of a steampunk world that I threw together with some Tolkein flavoring. A high-mana world, it was mostly run by powerful wizards. This was just my way of playing around on the playground, but I really liked the character of Miss Chen...a tough centaur government agent. Again, as always, the playground gate is definately open.
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Neverknowne.doc
(24.5 KiB) Downloaded 1654 times
Miss Chen Development small.jpg
"I always remember an epitaph which is in the cemetery at Tombstone, Arizona. It says: 'Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damnedest.' I think that is the greatest epitaph a man can have - When he gives everything that is in him to do the job he has before him. That is all you can ask of him and that is what I have tried to do."
Harry S Truman

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Just Chris
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Re: Treatment "Neverknowne"

Postby Just Chris » Thu Jan 17, 2013 9:19 pm

This sounds like an interesting idea! I like the title (the final "E" is a little bit cheesy, but it still works). The design for Chén looks great, too.

Moving on to the story.

Typo: you "pore" over a document, not "pour".

Apart from that, I like this. It manages to transmit quite a lot of detail about the world in a short time, and without being info-dumpy. I got quite a good feel for the characters, and I quite like Geraghty, despite his racism. It's a bit dialogue-heavy, but that works for this kind of scene. Definitely seems like it could make an interesting novel.
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Gulliver63
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Re: Treatment "Neverknowne"

Postby Gulliver63 » Fri Jan 18, 2013 2:28 am

Thanks! It's one of those things that might develop into something someday. I kind of like the way that the elves factor into the food chain of society. It's fun to try different things...
"I always remember an epitaph which is in the cemetery at Tombstone, Arizona. It says: 'Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damnedest.' I think that is the greatest epitaph a man can have - When he gives everything that is in him to do the job he has before him. That is all you can ask of him and that is what I have tried to do."
Harry S Truman

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Just Chris
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Re: Treatment "Neverknowne"

Postby Just Chris » Fri Jan 18, 2013 10:03 am

Yeah, the bit about the elves was my favourite part.
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Gulliver63
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Re: Treatment "Neverknowne"

Postby Gulliver63 » Fri Jan 18, 2013 10:42 am

And the other part I wrote about the army is oh so true - if it looks good on paper, it looks good.
"I always remember an epitaph which is in the cemetery at Tombstone, Arizona. It says: 'Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damnedest.' I think that is the greatest epitaph a man can have - When he gives everything that is in him to do the job he has before him. That is all you can ask of him and that is what I have tried to do."
Harry S Truman


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