All My Crap (NOT A STORY TITLE)

Topic: From Prussia With Love

Users: @Alexander @Graham @SuzyQ

irc.simpworks.com

[Enhas]

Here's all of the Futurama stuff I've written up to now, from newest to oldest.  You might want to avoid some of the stories near the bottom because I don't really like them as much as I used to, and I definitely could have written them much better than I did.

They're all on TLZ, FanFiction.net and the main Simpworks page but I thought that I should put them here as well.

I've edited this post again to put the basic summaries down for each story.  As for ratings, they are generally all PG / PG-13.. nothing really bad except some violence here and there, and mentions of suicide in some cases.

Paradox Lost
Plot Summary: Time makes fools of us all, and things are often not what they seem..

The Real Fry
Plot Summary: Leela thinks that Fry may be hiding something from her.

No Second Chances
Plot Summary: Post Bender's Big Score. There are no second chances or do overs when you really need it, as Fry discovers.

Something Completely Different
Plot Summary: Even cold park benches could be bearers of good fortune if the right person came along.. which she did. One difference in a time line can truly change everything.

A Second Chance
Plot Summary: After his death, the Professor has a horrible secret to tell Leela and Fry.

A November Afternoon
Plot Summary: Fry never expected that everything could change.. beginning with the sound of a doorbell.

About Time
Plot Summary: A quick glimpse into the life of Fry and Leela in the future, some time after he performed his fateful opera.

The Way it Ends
Plot Summary: Ten years after Fry first arrived in the future, much has changed, including himself. The way it ends is not always what you expected it to be, and Fry and Leela experience this first hand.

[Lisabella]

I've already praised your work before, Enhas - nice to see you aboard and contributing!

[Enhas]

I've updated Paradox Lost a little bit, and for what I hope to be the final time.

Edit: I've also updated No Second Chances.

[A Spy in Mancunia]

Review of "A Second Chance":

I enjoyed this very much indeed! I can safely say that this is your best fic that I've read so far (not that I've read that many).

The plot is great and very emotional. I'm not going to talk a lot about it, there's not usually a lot to say about really good plots. I've tended to find your writing style rather plain in the past, but in the first person format, that plainness is really a strength. Not that there aren't some lines that shine. Everyone's in character, particularly Leela's narration. The dialogue on the tape, and some of Fry's silly lines, make for enjoyable comic relief. The fact that the scenes on the tape are from Fry's POV add an intense and creepy touch. The references to "The Sting" are very appropriate for the plot.

I particularly like the ending of Leela's story.

The flaws are very minor, one-sentence problems. I don't like the recurring trend of Leela saying she was an idiot or the like for not marrying Fry sooner: I actually *like* their relationship in this story, but let her keep her dignity.  I also find it a bit odd when Fry says he wasn't sure he loved Leela before seeing his message in the stars: surely he must have been in love with her before that. While you mainly avoid melodrama, you do skirt it in places, such as in the graveyard scene. I think the problem is partly due to Leela talking too much about her feelings in the dialogue, rather than having her describe them in the narration.*

A bit more seriously, while I like the fact that you wrote the story from the perspectives of both leads, there is really too much material quoted verbatim. I realise there was no real way to avoid that, but it gets a bit tough to read the same dialogue a second time. On the other hand, that's the biggest problem I had with this story, which shows you're doing something right. 

And you've even made me think they make a cute couple now. A capital work. A-

*That makes me feel ANGRY!

[A Spy in Mancunia]

Review of "A November Afternoon":

Spellcheck: "splitting image" should be "spitting".

I like the title, and you have a fairly good plot here. It's nice to see Morgan again, she doesn't seem to be in a lot of fanfics that I've read, and both she and Fry are in character. The central dilemma is understandable and moving. Nice to see a plot somewhat centred around cryogenics, too.

On the downside, the extreme shortness of the fic prevents it from being as moving as it could have been. Your final note addresses this a bit, but this really feels like only the first chapter of the story.

Spoiler (hover to show)

We don't even find out whether Fry and Leela decide to take Curtis in, let alone how Leela reacts to the truth.

Also, despite some nice expressions (I like Morgan's cane keeping her "from falling over like a wooden doll"), the writing style just feels lacklustre. It's not bad at all, just a bit undistinguished, with rather too much information told instead of shown. It also feels like there's one too many references to previous episodes, but that's really a microscopic niggle. My main beef is with the fact that the story, intriguing as it is, feels overly thin and incomplete.

My rating: B

[A Spy in Mancunia]

Review of "Something Completely Different":

Grammar and spelling nitpicks: "mid-July" is correct, but "late April" shouldn't have a hyphen; "was tore limb from limb" should be "torn"; "splitting image" should be "spitting image"; "bared" (children) should be "bore"; and "forseen" should be "foreseen".

Nice title. In fact, a lot of this is nice. I've never liked Morgan (she's good as a character, just nasty), but you've managed to make her very possible to sympathise with, giving her a plausible backstory. Pretty much everyone is in character, though

Spoiler (hover to show)

I really don't see Fry as contemplating suicide after the time-slip event. Kudos for not over-dramatising it, though.

Particularly Bender has a lot of hilarious and in-character lines. All in all, there are some very funny bits to lighten up the drama.

The story of how Fry and Morgan fall in love is realistic and well plotted. The overarching plot is good, if somewhat disjointed, more like vignettes from Fry's and Morgan's life together than a more organic plot arc. On the other hand, that's a fairly novel way of doing it. I like Fry's dreams towards the end (particularly the reference to "A Second Chance").

The downsides: for starters, the writing style is fairly bland. Not bad, but while there are some very neat lines, a lot of it feels like telling instead of showing, particularly in the Nibbler segment at the end. There are also a bit too many ellipses.

I'm not too happy about the Leela-bashing, but when I found out you didn't like writing those bits, I felt a bit mollified. And it does make sense for Morgan to say those things.

There are a bit too many episode references. Some of them are necessary, but others feel like you put them in for the heck of it. That space could have gone to more interesting things, like showing Fry's and Morgan's relationship develop, or a bit more of Morgan's character.

Spoiler (hover to show)

I do like that in this universe, it was Fry who went into a coma.

Interesting idea, nothing special, but not bad. B

[A Spy in Mancunia]

Review of "No Second Chances":

Typoes and other nitpicks: "she noticed the red, puffiness of his eyes" shouldn't have a comma (great description otherwise!); and "He made a huge mistake" should be "He'd".

First "Bender's Big Score"-based fic I've read, too! But I expect it's better than most.

Wow, this is one of the darkest Futurama fanfics I've read, but you didn't overdo the angst, which is good. There are some funny lines to make it less unremittingly bleak, and the central conceit is clever (and makes sense considering Fry's intelligence level). Writing generally shines (I address the one style problem below). It's certainly an original storyline. Everyone is in character. Leela's outburst at the start made sense, even if it was more hateful than I'd expect from her. The big reversal when

Spoiler (hover to show)

Fry realises he doesn't have the piece of paper

is a tragic shock. The ending is understated and sweet.

The main problem is one I've commented on in a lot of your fics. (You are still a very good writer, but I think you would be better if you addressed this.) There is a bit too much telling instead of showing. It's not horrible here, but when writing (or perhaps rather editing, since you'll write a lot of stuff you cut later) you should focus on the characters' actions and words and the viewpoint character's thoughts, rather than telling the audience what is happening.

Also, and this is a problem I have with quite a bit of Futurama fanfic, I think this fic is a bit unfair to Leela. Like I said, she's technically correct in her outburst against Fry, but I'm getting a bit tired of fanfiction writers making her so utterly unsympathetic. She's not. (To be fair, you do show that Fry isn't a perfect example of humankind in his actions here.)

Also, this stuck in my head:

Spoiler (hover to show)

I personally never saw Fry as saving Leela's life by taking the bee-sting for her in "The Sting". What the episode said is that his injury was fixed quite easily with 31st century medicine, whereas Leela got all the venom and nearly died - in other words, Fry's heroic action inadvertently put her in danger. Of course, he then saves her mind when she's in her coma. My theory is that if Fry hadn't tried to shield her, the sting would have pierced her body, leaving her non-seriously wounded like Fry was. I guess your theory is as valid as mine, but it threw me out a bit. I would have liked it more if Leela had died in her coma because she didn't have Fry with her.

Those minor complaints mean little. This is a good fic, even for your standards. B+

[A Spy in Mancunia]

Review of "The Real Fry":

Typoes: "is new girlfriend"; the bit before "thought Leela" should have a comma at the end, rather than a full stop; "hadn't he just went" should be "gone"; and "a seed of jealously" should be "jealousy" (obviously the kind of typo that the spellchecker misses).

Good title. In fact, a lot of this is really good! Leela is spot-on, and you've made her very sympathetic, something I know I've had trouble with in your fics before. I could complain about her being jealous, but at least it doesn't come on instantly. Her reaction to finding out the "secret" is great. In fact, everyone's in character, with Fry having some hilarious lines. There are some very funny bits (Fry's trying to think up a name is brilliant), and some very beautiful pieces of description. The idea is great, as I'm sure I've told you. Kind of a simple story, but good in every way. Very sweet ending.

There really aren't many problems at all. The only nitpick I have is that towards the end of Leela and Alan's conversation, the subject slides towards Leela's love life and possible feelings for Fry a bit too heavy-handedly.

Still, on the whole, this story fixes many of the problems I've had with your writing. The style is excellent, following Leela's thoughts nearly seamlessly, and everything else is great too.

Rating: A-

[A Spy in Mancunia]

Nitpicks: "I wish you could help me now, but you're too busy with Lars to have any time for me.  he thought." should have a comma rather than a full stop.

Nice to read another movie-based fic! The title is excellent. There is some good writing here (nothing sparklingly standing-out, but many low-key good expressions, too many to point out), and plenty of hilarious lines. Fry is perfectly in character (as always in your fics, in fact), and you have many lovely little bits of realism, like how he misses Slurm.

Spoiler (hover to show)

The description of the moment when he realises he's Lars is very well written.

In fact, you write Lars perfectly, bringing out his maturity and sympathetic attitude. I just can't praise this highly enough.

The plot is very good, and exciting in places, though a bit slow-moving despite the shortness of the fic. (I've noticed that about a lot of your fics, actually: one doesn't really read them for the action. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's nice to get a genuinely edge-of-your-seat scene now and then, like here when Bender turns up in the cryogenics building.)

All in all, this is an excellent idea, and I like how you tell "Bender's Big Score" from Lars' point of view. I still won't pretend to understand all the time paradox stuff, but this is great. The ending is what really shines, though. I won't say much about it, because it's hard to without spoiling, but particularly the last line is beautiful. It manages to be both happy and sad.

Minuscule non-technical nitpick: Cahill being "a very kind and smart woman despite [sic] her breathtaking looks". I wasn't aware that you needed to be unattractive in order to be kind and intelligent. (Yes, minor thing, but it jarred a bit. I am however happy that you didn't make her a bimbo.)

Apart from that, not many nitpicks. Quite a bit of the story feels like you're summing up, rather than telling in more detail, but that keeps it to a manageable length, and also obviates the need for directly quoting movie dialogue, which would have been annoying. I felt a bit down when Fry criticised himself for being mean to Leela (so I don't like it that way either!), but then, it made sense that he would do that, with his added maturity. Other than that, no problems. It's a great read, perhaps even your best fic ever.

Highly recommended (to those fans who have seen "Bender's Big Score" only).

My rating: A-

[Enhas]

Thanks.

I hardly understand all the "time paradox" things myself, and had to just invent some things or try to interpret it (BBS is still confusing to me).  More than a few edits were done to this story, especially near the end.

Spoiler (hover to show)

The whole idea behind it was to switch Lars and Fry around so that Lars would be the "real" one.  Everything changed (from the BBS version of events) after Fry wanted to find out if he still had the Bender tattoo in the past, and later when he spilled the beer.

Leave it to Fry to unknowingly cause a major paradox by spilling beer.